Comments on: Upon Your Honor: Prologue

By: Jerramy(orig speling not alternate)

Jerramy(orig speling not alternate) — Mon, 19 Jul 2004 18:39:25 +0000

Good hook here. A little loose on discriptin in the beginning but picks up. (I would replace the wording on “battling the weather”, it is very poetic but repetative considering the “battling pirates” come right before it. If I had been in this group I would have done the same thing as they did. . .who in gaming wouldn’t. Though if I was a ranger or fighter with any great skill with a bow I would go for a dramatic entrance with a shot to they “robber” with the sword alreay out and then charge. Names are a dime a dozen. . . no worry about the names. This does not speak to me as a specificly fantasy setting, nothing so far has peaked of magic or pantheons, this could be a medieval roleplay devoid of magic or anything else other than a central faith and feudalism. The story speaks well and the writting is strong. . .keep on oh bard of prose.

By: Roger

Roger — Tue, 06 Jul 2004 13:51:46 +0000

LSW: Are there specific bad names (like Fonda) or just the names in general?
I do like to use somewhat obscure names as well as alternate spellings. Do you think that annoys the reader?

Sage: Treat it like a story idea. This is just the prologue, mind you. I don’t know if that makes any difference.

The purpose, which I maybe should have explained to my critics though anyone starting the story wouldn’t know it, is to set up a reason for my main characters to partake on an adventure against a well-run group of bandits (and maybe something more sinister controlling them…)

I’ll explain this in the comments, too, but didn’t know if you’d catch it there.

Also, “the world of these fantasy games”. This is supposed to be set in a real, historical setting. Hopefully I only need to take small artistic liberties here and there.

By: brian

brian — Tue, 06 Jul 2004 02:00:33 +0000

Hey, I read it…I’ll let it stew for a while and then let you know my impressions!

By: the Sage

the Sage — Fri, 02 Jul 2004 23:35:10 +0000

Roger…that’s a great action sequence, but I’m a little confused as to your purpose. In the beginning you describe it as the opening for a story, but at the end it sounds like it’s meant to be the scenario for a game. Which is it? If it’s a game, I’ll reserve comment because I know next to nothing abou the world of these fantasy games. If it’s a story idea, then there’s more I could say.

By: Mark's LSW (Karyn)

Mark's LSW (Karyn) — Thu, 01 Jul 2004 22:59:43 +0000

My biggest suggestion is to work on different names. Names are very important.