The Monkey Exhibit

(Adapted from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Names and actions courtesy of event that occur at the Rumor Forum.)

[Tyrant Geof music]
[music stops]

BOOKER T KNIGHT:
Aaaagh!
[fighting]

BOOKER T KNIGHT:
Aaagh!

AFFLACK KNIGHT:
Ooh!
[stab]

BOOKER T KNIGHT:
Aagh!

AFFLACK KNIGHT:
Oh!
Ooh! Uuh.

BOOKER T KNIGHT:
Aaaagh!
[clang]

BOOKER T KNIGHT and AFFLACK KNIGHT:
Agh!, oh!, etc.
[Booker blinds AFFLACK KNIGHT with his camera’s flash]

AFFLACK KNIGHT:
Aaaaaah! Aaaaaaaaah!
[woosh]
[BOOKER T KNIGHT kills AFFLACK KNIGHT with his tripod]
[thud]
[scrape]

BOOKER T KNIGHT:
Umm!
[clop clop clop]

TYRANT GEOF:
You fight with the cunning of many men, Sir Knight.
[pause, silence]
I am Geof, Tyrant of the Rumor Forum.
[pause, silence]
I seek the finest and the bravest moderators in the land to join me in my Random Board.
[pause, silence]
You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me?
[pause, silence]
You make me sad. So be it. Come, Bo-ob.

BOOKER T KNIGHT:
None shall pass.

TYRANT GEOF:
What?

BOOKER T KNIGHT:
None shall pass.

TYRANT GEOF:
I have no quarrel with you, good Sir Knight, but I must cross this firewall.

BOOKER T KNIGHT:
Then you shall die.

TYRANT GEOF:
I command you, as Tyrant of the Rumor Forum, to stand aside!

BOOKER T KNIGHT:
I move for no man.

TYRANT GEOF:
So be it!

TYRANT GEOF and BOOKER T KNIGHT:
Aaah!, hiyaah!, etc.
[TYRANT GEOF chops the BOOKER T KNIGHT's left arm off]

TYRANT GEOF:
Now stand aside, worthy adversary.

BOOKER T KNIGHT:
‘Tis but a scratch.

TYRANT GEOF:
A scratch? Your arm’s off!

BOOKER T KNIGHT:
No, it isn’t.

TYRANT GEOF:
Well, what’s that, then?

BOOKER T KNIGHT:
I’ve had worse.

TYRANT GEOF:
You liar!

BOOKER T KNIGHT:
Come on, you pansy! 2 COMBATANTS ENTER THE RING… ONLY ONE CAN GO ON TO THE NEXT ROUND
[clang]
Huyah!
[clang]
Hiyaah!
[clang]
Aaaaaaaah!
[TYRANT GEOF chops the BOOKER T KNIGHT's right arm off]

TYRANT GEOF:
Victory is mine!
[kneeling]
We thank Thee Lord, that in Thy mer—

BOOKER T KNIGHT:
Hah!
[kick]
Come on, then.

TYRANT GEOF:
What?

BOOKER T KNIGHT:
Have at you!
[kick]

TYRANT GEOF:
Eh. You are indeed brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine.

BOOKER T KNIGHT:
Oh, had enough, eh?

TYRANT GEOF:
Look, you stupid bastard. You’ve got no arms left.

BOOKER T KNIGHT:
Yes, I have.

TYRANT GEOF:
Look!

BOOKER T KNIGHT:
Just a flesh wound.
[kick]

TYRANT GEOF:
Look, stop that.

BOOKER T KNIGHT:
Chicken!
[kick]
Chickennn! LETS GET READY TO RUMMMMBBLLLLLEEEE!!!!

TYRANT GEOF:
Look, I’ll have your leg.
[kick]
Right!
[whop]
[TYRANT GEOF chops the BOOKER T KNIGHT's right leg off]

BOOKER T KNIGHT:
Right. I’ll do you for that!

TYRANT GEOF:
You’ll what?

BOOKER T KNIGHT:
Come here!

TYRANT GEOF:
What are you going to do, bleed on me?

BOOKER T KNIGHT:
I’m invincible!

TYRANT GEOF:
You’re a looney.

BOOKER T KNIGHT:
The BOOKER T KNIGHT always triumphs! Have at you! Come on, then. and the winner is…!
[whop]
[TYRANT GEOF chops the BOOKER T KNIGHT's last leg off]

BOOKER T KNIGHT:
Oh? All right, we’ll call it a draw.

TYRANT GEOF:
Come, Bo-ob.

BOOKER T KNIGHT:
Oh. Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You white bastards! Come back here and take what’s coming to you. I’ll bite your legs off!