The Monkey Exhibit

OK. I totally had something else ready to post for today, a couple of things actually, but I could not believe my eyes as I walked toward the Union today.

There, sitting at a table directly outside the Union, was… the Hackey Sack Club.

Periodically outside the Union you will see tables set up for different organizations. There was a table set up to distribute Edwards tickets when he came to UMaine to speak. There are tables selling jewelry or shirts or stickers; it seems just anyone can get permission to solicit in front of the Union. Now, unbelievably, there is a Hackey Sack Club. They are just sitting there, all innocent-like, selling soda and hackeysacks. I know better, though.

It is becoming increasingly obvious to me that there is a hackeysack conspiracy formulated to plague my very existance at college.

(I just ran up and looked. They are still there. They have nothing but soda and hackeysacks. And a bucket. For donations, I think.)

Hackey-ers are everywhere I turn. They have charted out my class schedule and position themselves to be in my path on a daily basis. They laugh, seemingly harmlessly, as I walk by with the misguided notion that I will think someone in their group did something funny. I know better. They can’t contain a small chuckle as I walk by, knowing the effect they are having on me. I am convinced that when I am out of sight and hearing they all let loose in raucous laughter, reliving how my breath caught for a step as my face paled upon spying them. Yes, they are evil to the very core.

I realize now that there must be a leak in my readership. Surely the Club came to exist only after they knew how much they vexed me with their little sacks, hackeying in front of the Library. (I just looked it up, “hackey” is not a word. They rebel against Webster, even!)

To whomever is sharing my innermost emotions with my arch-enemies: I am not impressed. This conspiracy is more out of control than Dan Rather’s.