The Monkey Exhibit

Kari and Mike just returned from vacation to find that their toilet had leaked, causing a great mess, and their air conditioner (AC) had stopped working. Being a .net and website acquaintance, I could not help but feel sorry for their great inconvenience. I decide that I needed to take up my guitar and begin making a difference in this world, beginning with these two unfortunate souls.

My first step was to practice. It has been a long time since I have even tried to get my guitar back in tune, let alone play a single chord.

After adequately tuning my guitar (with the help of this, of course ), I was ready to write a song. Andrew “Toesenga” is not the only one who can come up with hit lyrics in the wee hours in the morning so I’d like to share what I wrote with you here:

Livin’ With No Air’
(To the tune of “Living on a Prayer”)

AC used to work ‘round the clock
Unit blew a part
Their down on their luck, it’s tough
So tough

Temperature hit 90 today
Overworked their fan
It’s seen better days
My love…ooo, my love

She says: We’ve got to cool down while it’s so hot
It doesn’t make a difference if we charge it or not.
We need our AC, the old one’s shot, my love -
A 1000 watt!

Ooooo, Take a look at my hair,
Oh-oh, livin’ with no air
It’s getting fuzzy,
I won’t make it, I swear
Oh-oh, livin’ with no air

Mike, he had to take off his socks.
Now he’s walking barefoot
And he just stepped on a rock
It’s tough…so tough

Kari dreams of AC by day
When she cries in the heat
Mike whispers: Baby it’s okay
It’s okay

He says: We’ve got to cool down while it’s so hot
It doesn’t make a difference if we charge it or not.
We need our AC, the old one’s shot, my love -
A 1000 watt!

Ooooo, Take a look at your hair,
Oh-oh, livin’ with no air
It’s getting fuzzy,
It won’t make it, I swear
Oh-oh, livin’ with no air

You live for the air when it’s so flippin’ hot.

Ooooo, Take a look at her hair,
Oh-oh, livin’ with no air
It’s getting fuzzy,
It won’t make it, I swear
Oh-oh, livin’ with no air

Living with no aiiiiiir…

After the song was written I was ready to head out and begin my road to philanthropy.

I figured I would start on a street corner of our sister city, Bangor.

When I arrived and began playing, people almost immediately began throwing money at me. Without fail they would also say something like “Here. Leave!” or “That’s awful! Take this and go!” But I knew I was busking for a good cause so I continued my song.

After a while, even small coins begin to bruise skin so I was forced to pack up and leave. I conscientiously gathered all the change that was flung my way so I can mail it to the Baumanns in a cute little bank I found.

I imagine everyone will be pleasantly surprised at my generosity.