The Monkey Exhibit

(Adapted from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Names and actions courtesy of event that occur at the Rumor Forum.)

[SIR TREY logs on to the Man Board and cleans up the place and looking for the latest Gold Bond thread.]

SIR TREY:
Ha ha! Hiyya! [Deletes Hansel’s BEER thread]

THE THIRSTY VAMPIRE:
Hey!

SIR TREY:
Hiyya!, Ha!, etc. [Delete’s The Thirsty Vampire’s TATTOO thread.]

[HANSEL and THE THIRSTY VAMPIRE start complaining on the Random Board]

SIR TREY:
Ha ha! Huy! [Logs out of the MAN BOARD and starts deleting the Random Board threads.]

RANDOM BOARDERS:
Uuh! Aaah!

SIR TREY:
Ha ha! And take this! Aah! Hiyah! Aah! Aaah! Hyy! Hya! Hiyya! Ha!… [Logs back onto the Man Board and starts randomly deleting threads until he finds the latest Gold Bond thread.]

JOSHEWAH:
Now, you’re not allowed to call—[Sir Trey takes Joshewah off Man Board list.] aaugh!

SIR TREY:
[Finally finding JDR] O fair one, behold your humble servant, SIR TREY of The Rumor Forum. I have come rescue you from this filth– Oh, I’m terribly sorry.

PRINCE JDR:
You got my PM!

SIR TREY:
Uh, well, I– I got– a PM.

PRINCE JDR:
You’ve come to rescue me!

SIR TREY:
Uh, well, no. You see, I hadn’t—

PRINCE JDR:
I knew someone would. I knew that somewhere out there…
[JDR clicks ]

SIR TREY:
Well, I—

PRINCE JDR:
…there must be… someone…

LORD JOSH:
Stop that! Stop that! Stop it! Stop it! No New Topics! Who are you?

PRINCE JDR:
I’m your protégé!

LORD JOSH:
No, not you.

SIR TREY:
Uh, I am SIR TREY, sir.

PRINCE JDR:
He’s come to rescue me, LORD JOSH.

SIR TREY:
Well, let’s not jump to conclusions.

LORD JOSH:
Did you delete all those topics?

SIR TREY:
Uh… Oh, yes. Sorry.

LORD JOSH:
They were very hot topics!

SIR TREY:
Well, I’m awfully sorry. Um, I really can explain everything.

PRINCE JDR:
Don’t be afraid of him, SIR TREY. I’ve got a New Topic all ready to post.

LORD JOSH:
You deleted eight WOMAN PROBLEMS threads!

SIR TREY:
Well, uh, you see, the thing is, I thought JDR was a girl.

LORD JOSH:
I can understand that.

PRINCE JDR:
Hurry, SIR TREY! Hurry!

LORD JOSH:
Shut up! You axed only the least offending threads on the whole board, that’s all!

SIR TREY:
Well, I really didn’t mean to…

LORD JOSH:
Didn’t mean to?! You laughed in glee as you did it!

SIR TREY:
Oh, dear. Will the board be alright?

LORD JOSH:
You even sabotaged the board we are merging with! This is going to take me forever to mop up!

SIR TREY:
Well, I can explain. I was on the internet, um, browsing forth from The Rumor Forum, when I got this PM, you see—

LORD JOSH:
The Rumor Forum? Are you from, uh, The Rumor Forum?

PRINCE JDR:
Hurry, SIR TREY!

SIR TREY:
Uh, I am a Bartender of TYRANT GEOF, sir.

LORD JOSH:
Very nice site, The Rumor Forum. Uh, very good waffle country.

SIR TREY:
Is it?

PRINCE JDR:
Hurry! I’m ready!

LORD JOSH:
Would you, uh, like to come and have a drink?

SIR TREY:
Well, that– that’s, uh, awfully nice of you,…

PRINCE JDR:
I am ready!

SIR TREY:
…um, I mean to be so understanding.
[JOSH unsubscribes JDR from the MAN BOARD]
Um,…
[woosh]

PRINCE JDR:
Oooh!

SIR TREY:
…I’m afraid when I’m in this idiom, I sometimes get a bit, uh, sort of carried away.

LORD JOSH:
Oh, don’t worry about that.

PRINCE JDR:
Oooh!
[splat]