The Monkey Exhibit

Today I gave a Walk-In Care nurse practitioner a pop quiz regarding why my jaw would hurt right around my lymph node. After the quiz, he suggested that I could have the symptoms of mumps. This led me to make an appointment at my PCP office.

At the office, the MA took my vital signs, asked some background questions, and left me to wait for the PA. The wait turned out to be longer than I had anticipated, so I got antsy. I decided to throw the PA a curve ball. I got out of the patient chair and sat in the rolling provider chair in front of the computer. I then minimized their electronic medical software and logged on to some random medical internet site. When the PA came in, I was ready for her:

Me: “My name is Roger. What seems to be the trouble today?”

PA: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Don’t be shy; I’m a professional.”

PA: “You must be confused. I came in to see you.”

Me: “Yes, and it would be helpful to tell me why. I can’t treat you if I don’t know what you’re here for.”

PA (turns around and looks out the door): “Who let you in here?”

Me: “Nevermind. You can come in and get changed into a johnny…”

I now suspect she pressed some sort of button outside of the exam room door. Next thing I knew, two overweight MDs were tackling me while an RN gave me some kind of injection. It was the most effective office visit I’ve ever had though. The broken ribs really take my mind off the jaw pain!