The Monkey Exhibit

I didn’t even know they made “Happy Birthday to my Underachiever Husband” cards!

Did you ever just want to sleep all day? No, I mean sometime when you weren’t depressed. Anyway, how come the bed’s so comfortable in the morning?
What? No, I haven’t been looking at your medical records. No, I just assumed you were depressed. And quite often, too,
What do you mean [...]

What happened?
You used to be delicious and filling. Now you taste stale and bland. Did something happen to your once fresh peanuts? They used to tumble around in my mouth like a salted massage roller, caressing my inner cheek and gums. Now it tastes like you’re using left overs [...]

It’s been a tiring week.
I’ve had trouble getting to sleep every night so far. That makes for weary work days that I try to slide through, finding something to keep me busy. I haven’t been let down so far.
My Lothar story is almost complete. I just have to [...]

I don’t understand fleece vests. I don’t understand the concept of only covering the core of your body when you’re cold.
When I get cold, it starts from the head, the hands, and the feet. A vest only covers my torso, which isn’t what’s cold. I’d bet the torso isn’t what [...]

This was inspired by Scoob’s comment.
I can’t say I’m really for unions.
In the jobs I’ve held, I was hired to do X job for Y dollars per hour and Z benefits. The benefits weren’t even my idea, they just came with the job. As I have always done X, as required, [...]

There are hermit crabs and hermit people. What about hermit monkeys?
“Johnny, stay away from the crazy monkey that lives by himself in the cave outside of town! He’ll beat his chest and fling poo at you. He shows his teeth and sticks out his tongue. I swear, he has no social [...]

I nominate Frary to be the change here in Maine.
Can I say, now that I’m here, how stupid I think “change” is for this presidential race? The current president cannot be president again next term. Therefore, we’ll have a different man as president next term. Since we won’t have the same man, [...]

It’s difficult to remember that villains have feelings, too.
I know in the books you read a lot about the bad guy becoming the bad buy because of the fact that he has feelings and someone has hurt them. I’m thinking more…realistically, though, if I can presume so much. I thinking of Willoughby from [...]

These puppies are pure sugar. I wonder if they are hurting my pancreas and my ability to process glucose. Wouldn’t it suck to become diabetic just because I can’t keep my hands out of the orange slice bag? Either they are addictive, or I really, truly have too much of an addictive [...]

disease our minds as well as our bodies. Sedentary lives lead to obesity and all the health woes included therein. The mind wastes as it spends fruitless hours engorged with entertainment, whether on the TV or the internet, at the bar or at the bowling alley. We are increasingly unable to physically [...]

We don’t use near as many forks as we do spoons. I wonder if other families are like that. What if we’re different? What if we’re strange? What if we’re not like everyone else?

I had something else for today, but this is much better. It is stolen from Kari. The story is that apparently the National Endowment for the Arts estimates that the average adult has only read six of these books. Here are the markup guidelines:
1) Look at the list and bold those you [...]

Link problems should all be resolved. Carry on.

Other burgers are a mere step in the evolution of delicious. This burger is gustatory nirvana.
Taste with me, as we close our eyes and imagine a bite of the utopian staple, the bacon, egg, and cheeseburger. Feel the congealing cheese slip under your tongue, tickling your salivary glands. Savor the [...]

I am no longer funny.
I know. I know. I’m sorry. Gasp in disbelief. Scream in horror. Tear out your hair, rend your clothes, gnash your teeth. Make an appointment with your shrink. I just don’t have it any more.
Overreacting, you say? Just looking for attention, you think? [...]

If your car’s AC isn’t working properly, you have two choices on how to drive down the interstate on a hot day. We’ve now tried them both.
Option 1: Ride with the windows up and the vents blasting. Riding with the windows up will increase your gas mileage, though it will also make [...]

Do you actually chew your macaroni and cheese? I’m asking about the stuff that you buy in a box. The stuff that will slide right down your throat if you just put it in your mouth and swallow. I think it’s appropriate to chew your food; it aids in digestion. Some [...]

Representative
1: one that represents another or others: as a: one that represents a constituency as a member of a legislative body,… b: one that represents another as agent, deputy, substitute, or delegate usually being invested with the authority of the principal
When it comes to government these days, it seems we research candidates trying to find [...]

Teeth vs Lips