Archive for the 'Ramblings' Category

Human Nature

Thursday, January 12th, 2017

Why do people assume the worst (or is it just me)? I needed to order contact lenses, but I hadn’t been to the eye doctor in 3 years. They wanted to see me before ordering new contacts. After the doctor was done, he sat silently writing for a couple awkward minutes. While waiting, I was […]

Driving

Tuesday, February 25th, 2014

I was merging onto the interstate when the oncoming car in the travel lane started honking his horn and pointing vehemently at the Yield sign in front of me. The odd thing is that I had already timed my entry to pass behind his car, assuming he didn’t slam on his brakes or do something […]

Tell Me A Story

Tuesday, April 3rd, 2012

Tell me a story. I don’t care if it’s happy or sad, comedy or tragedy, history, fiction, non-fiction, horror, sci-fi, or fantasy, though not fantasy like lots of other people might consider fantasy. I mean adventurers, knights, horses, unicorn, dragons, elves, dwarves, hobbits, fairies, princes, princesses, werewolves, zombies, vampires, but not vampires like sparkly, emo, […]

And Then I Ate at a Vegetarian Restaurant

Sunday, March 14th, 2010

No, this is not some hilarious one-liner to end a crowd-pleasing joke. This is a true account of my experiences last night. The wife and I drove to Portland, two hours away, to join our friends at a birthday dinner. The restaurant chose was vegetarian. And, I believe, not just vegetarian but vegan as well. […]

Hearty Breakfast Fare

Wednesday, July 15th, 2009

This morning’s victuals are indeed quite more robust than to what I am used. A cold, hard-boiled egg begins the hearty romp through my palate, taken from it’s refuge where it previously awaited becoming salad fixings. There is no forgiveness as I steal it from it’s temporary home and other hard-boiled companion to digest it […]

Doggie Dentures

Wednesday, June 10th, 2009

My sister’s dog got into my mother’s Super PoliGrip the other day. (It’s for her crown…really) Before I get into that, did you know that PoliGrip has “the unique patented Ooze-Control Tip®?” Why does that not sound inviting? I know I should be sold on that fact alone, but I find myself oddly repulsed instead. […]

Quick. They’re coming.

Friday, January 16th, 2009

I don’t have much time. They’ll be here any moment. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. My house is now a wreck, and it’s about to get worse. The door’s so misshapen I can’t even keep it closed. There’s no way to keep them out. I knew it would end, but not so soon. […]

2008 Won’t Go Down Without a Fight

Monday, January 5th, 2009

Kevin says 2008 is behind us like dead body of a freshly killed squirrel. Me…I don’t know…it seems like 2008 is still holding on to life, like the squirrel you clipped with your car but is still back there on the road running in circles because you only paralyzed its entire right side. Soon, though, […]

Vicious Circle

Saturday, January 3rd, 2009

Sunday afternoons find me feeling sleepy. If I don’t take a nap, I’m kind of spacey at night. If I do take a nap, I find it difficult to get to sleep on Sunday night. Which makes me tired on Monday morning. Which causes me to drink caffeinated products. Which makes it difficult to sleep […]

Time Travel

Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008

Stop beeping at me, microwave! Have you ever noticed how fast two minutes can go by when you’re on the internet? I believe I’ve found the secret to time travel! And my supper is done.

Ahh, sleep…

Saturday, November 15th, 2008

Did you ever just want to sleep all day? No, I mean sometime when you weren’t depressed. Anyway, how come the bed’s so comfortable in the morning? What? No, I haven’t been looking at your medical records. No, I just assumed you were depressed. And quite often, too, What do you mean it’s none of […]

Hermits

Thursday, August 28th, 2008

There are hermit crabs and hermit people. What about hermit monkeys? “Johnny, stay away from the crazy monkey that lives by himself in the cave outside of town! He’ll beat his chest and fling poo at you. He shows his teeth and sticks out his tongue. I swear, he has no social skills at all.” […]

Villains Have Feelings, Too

Wednesday, August 20th, 2008

It’s difficult to remember that villains have feelings, too. I know in the books you read a lot about the bad guy becoming the bad buy because of the fact that he has feelings and someone has hurt them. I’m thinking more…realistically, though, if I can presume so much. I thinking of Willoughby from Sense […]

More Orange Slices

Wednesday, August 13th, 2008

These puppies are pure sugar. I wonder if they are hurting my pancreas and my ability to process glucose. Wouldn’t it suck to become diabetic just because I can’t keep my hands out of the orange slice bag? Either they are addictive, or I really, truly have too much of an addictive personality when it […]

Modern Amenities…

Tuesday, August 5th, 2008

disease our minds as well as our bodies. Sedentary lives lead to obesity and all the health woes included therein. The mind wastes as it spends fruitless hours engorged with entertainment, whether on the TV or the internet, at the bar or at the bowling alley. We are increasingly unable to physically provide for ourselves. […]

Fork Anxiety

Monday, August 4th, 2008

We don’t use near as many forks as we do spoons. I wonder if other families are like that. What if we’re different? What if we’re strange? What if we’re not like everyone else?

It’s Official*

Wednesday, July 16th, 2008

I am no longer funny. I know. I know. I’m sorry. Gasp in disbelief. Scream in horror. Tear out your hair, rend your clothes, gnash your teeth. Make an appointment with your shrink. I just don’t have it any more. Overreacting, you say? Just looking for attention, you think? No. I apologize. It’s true. I […]

Learning Experience

Thursday, July 10th, 2008

If your car’s AC isn’t working properly, you have two choices on how to drive down the interstate on a hot day. We’ve now tried them both. Option 1: Ride with the windows up and the vents blasting. Riding with the windows up will increase your gas mileage, though it will also make the car […]

Mouth Sores

Friday, May 16th, 2008

Teeth vs Lips

Good Leaders

Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008

You know how there can be too many chiefs and not enough Indians? Too many people are trying to be the one(s) in charge, but nobody wants to do the work. I’m under the impression that good leaders also make good followers. Good leaders know the importance of the leadership role. They know that people […]