Did you ever just want to sleep all day? No, I mean sometime when you weren’t depressed. Anyway, how come the bed’s so comfortable in the morning?
What? No, I haven’t been looking at your medical records. No, I just assumed you were depressed. And quite often, too,
What do you mean [...]
There are hermit crabs and hermit people. What about hermit monkeys?
“Johnny, stay away from the crazy monkey that lives by himself in the cave outside of town! He’ll beat his chest and fling poo at you. He shows his teeth and sticks out his tongue. I swear, he has no social [...]
It’s difficult to remember that villains have feelings, too.
I know in the books you read a lot about the bad guy becoming the bad buy because of the fact that he has feelings and someone has hurt them. I’m thinking more…realistically, though, if I can presume so much. I thinking of Willoughby from [...]
These puppies are pure sugar. I wonder if they are hurting my pancreas and my ability to process glucose. Wouldn’t it suck to become diabetic just because I can’t keep my hands out of the orange slice bag? Either they are addictive, or I really, truly have too much of an addictive [...]
disease our minds as well as our bodies. Sedentary lives lead to obesity and all the health woes included therein. The mind wastes as it spends fruitless hours engorged with entertainment, whether on the TV or the internet, at the bar or at the bowling alley. We are increasingly unable to physically [...]
We don’t use near as many forks as we do spoons. I wonder if other families are like that. What if we’re different? What if we’re strange? What if we’re not like everyone else?
I am no longer funny.
I know. I know. I’m sorry. Gasp in disbelief. Scream in horror. Tear out your hair, rend your clothes, gnash your teeth. Make an appointment with your shrink. I just don’t have it any more.
Overreacting, you say? Just looking for attention, you think? [...]
If your car’s AC isn’t working properly, you have two choices on how to drive down the interstate on a hot day. We’ve now tried them both.
Option 1: Ride with the windows up and the vents blasting. Riding with the windows up will increase your gas mileage, though it will also make [...]
Teeth vs Lips
You know how there can be too many chiefs and not enough Indians? Too many people are trying to be the one(s) in charge, but nobody wants to do the work. I’m under the impression that good leaders also make good followers.
Good leaders know the importance of the leadership role. They know [...]
I actually started raking the lawn beside the road Monday night. I didn’t plan on doing it for long, which is probably why I accomplished a lot more than I expected. Is there some kind of a physical law that the energy necessary to do the work is inversely proportional to the amount [...]
We’ve let the house go too long. It was innocent, deciding to rest a day here and there instead of cleaning, but it has gotten out of control.
The crumbs on the kitchen floor are painful little caltrops to any not in steel boots. The mold on the floor challenges you before [...]
When I grow up, I want to be a SCUBA clown. I would go in the water and distract the sharks until divers were out of danger. I could hide in a barrel flavored with bitter apple. I hear bitter apple keeps animals from chewing on things.
The barrel should have a reinforced, or [...]
I intentionally didn’t tell my dental hygienist about us. I was waiting for the moment when I opened my mouth and she looked in, letting out an involuntary squeal of joy at the sight of my shining teeth. She was to smile blindingly and jump up off her stool to dance in rapturous [...]
I was seriously annoyed to arrive home Saturday night and find that you neglected to include my large mashed potato with gravy. Seriously. I had been anticipating the mashed potato with gravy to go with my fried chicken for at least 5 hours before I sat down at the dining room table to [...]
Not too long ago, I expressed an interest in urgent care patients washing up before they come to the clinic. To me, good health and healing begin with cleanliness. The people who come in with upper respiratory infections, yet reek of cigarrettes, they don’t really have anything to complain about.
Hmmm, didn’t [...]
As fast as warm molasses passing through the bowels of a gluten-intolerant body.
I was writing this up as a reply to the comment on my last post, but it got a little long and I thought I should share it on the main page instead of hidden in a comment section.
Firstly, here’s the comment from my best friend, whom I deeply respect:
Don’t forget the Thermosol, [...]
The kids, the young adults, these days make me feel old:
I don’t text message and I don’t approve of the lack of proper grammar used whilst text messaging.
I still haven’t really set up my cell phone that I’ve had since May. I haven’t recorded a greeting. I haven’t taken a single picture. [...]
Someday I hope to be cool enough to drive around in my beat-up pickup truck without a shirt on.
But why stop there? Maybe I should grow a mullet, attach some fancy truck accessories that cost more than the vehicle itself, and drag race little old ladies at stop lights (whether they know we’re racing [...]
