Category Archives: Humor

Read these with a smile

Overheating

Is anyone else in this current geographical location hot? Seriously. I’m sweating like Big Bird at a Popeye’s. I just put this shirt on and it is now drenched. The computer monitor is fogging up like the cold winter windshield … Continue reading

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Car Wash

Hey, have you ever tried the car wash? I did! Just now! They hose you down, sud you, scrub you with large strips of cloth, spin off dirt with big, red brushes, then rinse you off. For extra money, you … Continue reading

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Dreams: I Fought The Law

One day in a bizarre psychiatrist office: PhD: Mr. Paul, Looks like you are still having troubles sleeping. What was it this time? Aliens? Sheep dressed as clowns? Your mother-in-law? Patient: I was fighting a police officer. I didn’t want … Continue reading

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Follow My Banner, Typhoid Marys!

Come, all ye who are feeling unwell, yet not bad off enough to stay home from work! Join me in rampaging over those who are not sick in any way! We’ll infect those closest to us, and, after the dizziness … Continue reading

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Introducing Mr. Puddin!

Mr. Puddin thinks you are a delightful young rapscallion, clever as the day is long! Mr. Puddin is an ebullient egalitarian, eagerly engaging energetic youth to make the most of themselves. He also likes butter. So load up those potatoes, … Continue reading

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Unexpected Twist at the Doctor’s Office

Today I gave a Walk-In Care nurse practitioner a pop quiz regarding why my jaw would hurt right around my lymph node. After the quiz, he suggested that I could have the symptoms of mumps. This led me to make … Continue reading

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FW: True Mainer

The Maine Turnpike began a new program this summer where they handed out fliers titled “Welcome to Vacationland.” These fliers will be handed out to all cars with license plates from Massachusetts, Connecticut, New York, and New Jersey. The fliers … Continue reading

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Family Friendly Exhibit

Just a reminder to everyone: Though there may be some poo flinging and you may see the animals trying to mate with each other, this is a family friendly exhibit. *splat* Little girl. Little GIRL! Don’t stick your fingers in … Continue reading

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Fun with Stereotypes

Eric asked me if I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I wasn’t, but I did think I might have been born with a sarcastic retort in my mouth. He said that would make me British. To … Continue reading

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Liberties

*Dial tone* *beep-boop-boop-bop-beep-beep-bop* You have reached Mark. I’m not available right now, but if you leave a message I’ll get right back to you. Hi, Mark. It’s Roger. Hey, I was planning your wedding and wanted to know: should Debi … Continue reading

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Flu Invulnerability

Hey, pal, cough on me. No, seriously. Come right over here and hack in my face. That’s it. Let it all out. Everyone needs a good cough once in a while; you need to clear your lungs. Good job. Now…wipe … Continue reading

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Grocery Anxiety

If I’ve learned anything from Peter’s blog, it’s that this forum is a place where I can safely expel the thoughts that build up inside me. When I think of things I would have like to have done or would … Continue reading

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Hey, What Did We Learn Today?

Some interesting facts about Canadians are: A Canadian rolls some dung into a ball. Then it digs its front legs into the ground and uses its back legs to push the ball of dung. A land of vast distances and … Continue reading

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Gotta Love My Buds

My friend ‘vicodin’ left me this comment: vicodin Heh. How it goes? Buy it all. ASAP. Last discount in your live (AAAAA!!!!!). Take a rest. What a guy! In one short comment the shows his humor, his interest in my … Continue reading

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In The Realm of Silly

“Ethel, there is something I need to tell you if our relationship is to continue.” “John? What is it?” “Darling, every month in the light of the full moon I go through the most hideous transformation.. For that night only … Continue reading

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Rafting

In September, I took on one of the many rites of manhood that I had thus far avoided; I went white water rafting. I’m a good swimmer, who doesn’t mind a thrill ride so it’s odd that I hadn’t gone … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Vacation | 2 Comments

Customer Service Award

This season’s customer service award goes to Stormy Kromer Mercantile USA for the email response that was sent the moment my wife placed an order: Dear KRISTEN Just thought we would let you know that in just a few minutes, … Continue reading

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Holiday Diet

(A version of this was forwarded to me last holiday season, but too late for me to post it. Here’s my version.) 1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas … Continue reading

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Nature Walk

Yesterday, in the middle of the day, I was warned that after work we were going for a walk. My heart skipped a beat. A walk? Can my body handle such a thing? All I’m good for these days is … Continue reading

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Poor Baumanns!

Kari and Mike just returned from vacation to find that their toilet had leaked, causing a great mess, and their air conditioner (AC) had stopped working. Being a .net and website acquaintance, I could not help but feel sorry for … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Parodies | 6 Comments