The Monkey Exhibit

BBC News:
Russian squirrel pack ‘kills dog’
Squirrels have bitten to death a stray dog which was barking at them in a Russian park, local media report.
Passers-by were too late to stop the attack by the black squirrels in a village in the far east, which reportedly lasted about a minute.
They are said to have scampered off [...]

I write this, my friends, so you will not be ignorant of the impending doom that is about to come upon all 50 states (that have squirrels).
I type with my shades down today, as increasing numbers of squirrels canvas my house. In deliberate facade, they peek under fallen leaves for the acorns [...]

The bird feeder is squirrel-proof. It’s spring-loaded and drops down to cover the opening when something heavier than a bird is on the perch. I caught a squirrel on it the other day. It was bending the metal that covers the openings. His buddy was on the ground watching, maybe waiting [...]

Monkey Press. 06/12/2008
A husband slipped and fell, cracking his head on the wall after stepping on a pillow left on the bedroom floor yesterday. The pillow, being light and fluffy, was not stable enough to support proper footing as the husband walked on top of it. This instability caused he foot to [...]

Do you have a problem making yourself understood to others? Do you sometimes wish for someone who could translate what you imply to say into meaningful speech? Are you one of many groups* who has trouble communicating with the rest of average society? Do you wish you had a better grip on not [...]

I have never done such a thing before, but I simply must post this YouTube video on this site. Enjoy.

Are you always happy in the mornings, even on Mondays? Do you get scowled at by coworkers when you walk in whistling a tune and beaming from ear to ear – without coffee or drugs? Are you shunned by family because your life isn’t in ruins like theirs?
This is the program for [...]

(TME) — Sen. John McChimp cemented his Republican front-runner status Tuesday, piling up big wins coast to coast, according to TME projections.
Democratic voters remain evenly split on Sen. Hillary Capuchin and Sen. Barack Orangutan for their party’s nomination.
Both the Orangutan and Capuchin campaigns acknowledge an edge to Orangutan in races. Capuchin will focus on [...]

Remember Visine. They’re like the eye experts.

Tired of spam, comment spam, and trackback spam? Me, too. Tired of constant attempts to hack your site and fighting ghost posts of ferret propaganda? Me, too. Looking for someone who is up to the task of protecting your digital and virtual investments? Hey, who isn’t?
I give you The Monkey [...]

“Is that a monkey on a motorcycle in the rearview mirror? He’s pulling me over! I’m being pulled over on the highway by a monkey!”
“Good morning, sir. Are you carrying any bananas in the vehicle?”
“Bananas?”
“Yes, that is correct. Bananas.”
“Are bananas suddenly illegal?”
“Just answer the question, sir. Are you or are [...]

The Police Department is looking to add a human to its all-monkey SWAT team.
”Everybody laughs about it until they really start thinking about it,” said Officer Scream Truebellow, who builds and operates tactical robots for the suburban SWAT team. ”It would change the way we do business.”
Truebellow is spearheading the department’s request to [...]

Intro: “La, la, la-la, la, la, bouncing here and there and…I can’t remember where, la, la-la, la…la.”
“You’ve waited a long time, but it’s finally here! Qwert Yuppy Industries has managed to combine the bouncy goodness of Gummy Bears with the joy of chomping down Smurfs! We call it Smurfy Beary Soup! Captured [...]

This is probably the last I’ll say on the matter. Again, I don’t necessarily seek to sway anyone one way or another, I just want us all to work with correct information as opposed to all the assumptions that I’ve been working with.
I’m not sure if it’s legal to cut and paste from the [...]

You know, I was going to change topics. I have some other ideas bouncing around this brain, ideas that I discussed with Scoob today, but you made me do this instead:

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Super Squirrel!
Be prepared to see him in the sidebar soon. He’s now one of the official mascots of The Monkey Exhibit. Ramon, [...]

Due to the odd nature of the squirrel in my back yard, I’ve done a little research on the critters. I think I’ve found the explanation of its strange behavior:
After about 30 years of maturing, adult female squirrels return to the ground to nest, usually on the same lawn upon which they were birthed. [...]

Dearly beloved, we gather here today to mourn the passing of our beloved brother, Tinker. Tinker was a husband, father, son, brother, friend, and all around nutty guy.
They say that some die never knowing what hit them. That is certainly true for Tinker. His favorite pastime was sitting by the side [...]

Hey, look at that squirrel!
There’s a squirrel on the lawn, and he’s just sitting there. He’s not moving or anything. Maybe he’s dead. Squirrels don’t just sit on the lawn and not move. Oh, he moved his head. He’s alive. What’s he doing there, just sitting there? He’s [...]

In January, we spent (paid out) more than we earned (broght in) to the tune of around $200. I guess that’s not too bad considering that a lot we paid out in January was for the presents we charged in December. If we had not used the credit card in December, we would [...]

For those of you looking to make your million dollars in 2007, I have a wonderful idea: more slip-on shoes.
The number of overweight and obese people in America is certainly not going down so this should be a wonderful idea. I, personally, dislike having to bend over to tie my shoes. [...]