Archive for the 'Editorials' Category

So Says the CDC

Friday, November 16th, 2007

This is probably the last I’ll say on the matter. Again, I don’t necessarily seek to sway anyone one way or another, I just want us all to work with correct information as opposed to all the assumptions that I’ve been working with. I’m not sure if it’s legal to cut and paste from the […]

What Kind of Dragon Are You?

Tuesday, March 28th, 2006

I am a Monkey Dragon! In the war between good and evil, Monkey Dragons take the side closest to the bananas…. When it comes to the powers of Chaos vs. those of Law and Order, your inner monkeydragon limps drunkenly toward Chaos…. As far as magical tendancies, a Monkey Dragon’s nature allows it to hurl […]

Does Santa Exist?

Sunday, December 25th, 2005

(This was read in church today, so I came home and searched for it online. I found it at Santa Clause.) 1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms, which have yet to be classified. And although these are mostly insects and bacteria, this may not exclude […]

Protect Your Children!

Wednesday, March 16th, 2005

It has come to our attention that there are certain questionable practices going on in the shoe department. It should come as no surprise to anyone that the clothing industry has long been taking advantage of the poor to line their pockets with cold, hard cash. What has recently been found, though, is a new […]

Top 10: Silly Styles

Thursday, August 19th, 2004

Monkey News has long been known for its Top 10 Lists. Unfortunately, many were lost when I got rid of my old Hewlet Packard Word Processor. There was some funny stuff saved on those disks… In hopes of bringing back some of the glory that was the old Monkey News and since I’m most like […]

Gay Marriage: One Monkey’s Perspective

Wednesday, February 4th, 2004

In the beginning, God ordained marriage. It was a sacred union from which a man left his parents and became one flesh with his wife. This “leaving his father and mother” thing may have been easier for Adam, having no earthly mother or father, than for the rest of us. Now, this is a pretty […]

Rebelling Monkeys?

Monday, January 19th, 2004

A professor based in Oklahoma contacted us about a phrase he wasn’t certain was local: “I’ll be there if the good Lord’s willing and the Monkeys don’t rise.” He was curious about whether the Monkeys mentioned refer to (as he put it) “a desperate desire for or addiction to drugs (often used in the phrase […]