The Monkey Exhibit

Private eyes are watching you (they see your every move). . . . . . . . . . . . .

Though you access it via GravyBoat, GravyBoy Island is not a food-based theme park. The latest and greatest amusement park in America is actually based off a comic book. Much like the Superman and Hulk roller coasters, GravyBoy Island’s premier ride is based off the comic’s main character, Philbert Pharmac. Excited park-goers enter the roller [...]

For the last three mornings when I’ve gone to work, the groundhog has been at the entrance to his den. He’s just there waking up, stretching, yawing, and waving “hi” as I go by. He’s a pretty friendly guy. Don’t let anyone else tell you any differently. All his friends call him Bo. Someday I [...]

Here’s another monkey-theme post borrowed from Peter (author of the JLP) while I await the return of my creativity: Think about it, being attacked by 30 baboons. THIRTY! Would you punch them, or what? How do you properly fight off a baboon? The entire internet awaits your answer.

I’m flinging you to another site for today’s monkey related humor. Apparently my creative bowels are currently evacuated. Feces fling to the JLP!

I am a Monkey Dragon! In the war between good and evil, Monkey Dragons take the side closest to the bananas…. When it comes to the powers of Chaos vs. those of Law and Order, your inner monkeydragon limps drunkenly toward Chaos…. As far as magical tendancies, a Monkey Dragon’s nature allows it to hurl [...]

(This was read in church today, so I came home and searched for it online. I found it at Santa Clause.) 1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms, which have yet to be classified. And although these are mostly insects and bacteria, this may not exclude [...]

I would tell them that they don�t have to be such a spaz. I, of all people, know the joy of a good spaz now and then, however these squirrels are constantly jumpy. If I open my big garage door, they have to run full-tilt across the garage roof, jump onto a nearby limb, and [...]

Early one morning Qwert could not sleep. He was outside whittling, as is his normal practice to combat unwanted insomnia, when a neighboring beaver ambled by. The beaver, having to make a long commute to his forestry job, looked up to greet Qwert on his way by. Upon seeing Qwert heartily engaged with a lump [...]

It has come to our attention that there are certain questionable practices going on in the shoe department. It should come as no surprise to anyone that the clothing industry has long been taking advantage of the poor to line their pockets with cold, hard cash. What has recently been found, though, is a new [...]

Maybe this is why that man shot his wife after mistaking her for a monkey…

Below is a picture of Ramon as he dresses up to go undercover in a British school. We are not at liberty to divulge the nature of the story, but be assured that as soon as Ramon provides us with details we will pass them right along.

I’m having a terrible time posting because when I write posts here at school, I don’t like them. The ones I write at home and bring in are better. The problem is that I don’t write at home. I have other things I want to do. So, well I try to find a good balance, [...]

For my birthday last November, the Doughtys adopted a monkey for me and presented it to me in grand celebration. His name is Ronnie and now my Triumverate is complete. I present to you Ramon, Ronnie and Brutus: Ramon is the hyperactive troublemaker of the group. I believe he has the exact same genetic makeup [...]

On November 15th, Monkey News reported the scathing accusations on Qwert’s alleged behavior in Patiala, India. At the end of the article we noted that Qwert was set to leave the proceedings in Patiala to his lawyer while continuing his Indian foray into Gaughati. Late breaking news follows our beloved monkey into that part of [...]

Senior Editor–”Fingers” McGee.

“Pesky, protected monkeys doing hard time in jail” BY KIM BARKER (Chicago Tribune): PATIALA, India – (KRT) – The thief threatened children with bricks and ripped the buttons off shirts. He stole tomatoes from one home and snatched bread from another. Down the street, he briefly fled with a differential equations book and beat a [...]

Folks, I’m sorry to say this, but I won’t be going out for Halloween this year. I fear I must now apologize to all the elderly people I have frightened. At first it seemed like a harmless prank, donning a 30 pound gorilla suit and roaming through the neighborhood, searching for the elderly or faint-of-heart. [...]

Yes, I said it. Why is it that small, furry creatures wait until a car is coming before they try to cross the road? A squirrel, for instance, will sit by the side of the road happily chewing on an acorn until it sees a car coming. At that time it will lower the acorn, [...]

This man shot his wife after mistaking her for a monkey!!! It’s funny, but I think I can relate. It’s hard to count just how many times I’ve walked out into my back yard and had to ask myself “Is that my wife swinging through the trees, or just another monkey?” Many-a-time I have my [...]