The Monkey Exhibit

My attempts to blog like Peter are not being met with worldwide popularity…yet I press on…this time making an idiot out of myself instead of others…

At what point did the word “vitriolic” come to be mainly associated with hate? Nobody asked me before cementing this association. I’m not for it. Big surprise. It seems that, for the most part, things that happen without my prior blessing eventually end up ticking me off. How much happier the world would be if it would just check with me first about…well, just about everything.

This “vitriolic”…I’m more for using it with a happy meaning. Consider this sentence: “His joy was vitriolic to the point of overwhelming the entire workplace.” Pretty powerful, huh? “Roger’s vitriolic languange savvy was the envy of webloggers everywhere.” Now there’s a happy sentence! “The boss spewed vitriolic praise throughout the entire office.” See how much better off things would be if only someone had checked with me. Alas, this is my all too common lament.

Another point I wanted to make was…what does the word even mean? I thought “vitriolic” was a measurement of how well my motor oil worked. How come no one ever checks on these things before they start using the word all the time. I’m not lazy! I’ll be right back…

(Time elapses…)

Huh. Turns out the word I was thinking of was “viscosity“. Who knew?

My viscous sense of humor will overwhelm you in vitriolic waves of joy.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.