The Monkey Exhibit

Last night I gave blood. I may have saved a life! There are many emotional pictures on the wall alluding to the fact that my blood donation could save someone, a little child, a desperate mother, a gruff man in his middle forties who beats his wife, all were thanking me for the [...]

When I grow up, I want to be a SCUBA clown. I would go in the water and distract the sharks until divers were out of danger. I could hide in a barrel flavored with bitter apple. I hear bitter apple keeps animals from chewing on things.
The barrel should have a reinforced, or [...]

I intentionally didn’t tell my dental hygienist about us. I was waiting for the moment when I opened my mouth and she looked in, letting out an involuntary squeal of joy at the sight of my shining teeth. She was to smile blindingly and jump up off her stool to dance in rapturous [...]

I was seriously annoyed to arrive home Saturday night and find that you neglected to include my large mashed potato with gravy. Seriously. I had been anticipating the mashed potato with gravy to go with my fried chicken for at least 5 hours before I sat down at the dining room table to [...]

Are you always happy in the mornings, even on Mondays? Do you get scowled at by coworkers when you walk in whistling a tune and beaming from ear to ear – without coffee or drugs? Are you shunned by family because your life isn’t in ruins like theirs?
This is the program for [...]

Mr. Puddin thinks you are a delightful young rapscallion, clever as the day is long!
Mr. Puddin is an ebullient egalitarian, eagerly engaging energetic youth to make the most of themselves. He also likes butter. So load up those potatoes, and cook that steak rare! None of that margarine spread for Puddin; no [...]

Not too long ago, I expressed an interest in urgent care patients washing up before they come to the clinic. To me, good health and healing begin with cleanliness. The people who come in with upper respiratory infections, yet reek of cigarrettes, they don’t really have anything to complain about.
Hmmm, didn’t [...]

I guess ARGS just isn’t exciting enough for you. Hows this for news:
In case you missed it, gas prices went up as much as 20 cents today. When I drove to work, the stations nearby had it at $3.09 for regular. During my lunchtime walk it was $3.19. When I left [...]

The Anti-Rook Gaming Society (ARGS) has been born! The first gathering, a Young Couples Game Night is tentatively planned for March 6th in Brewer. Featured games will be recent popular hits Apples to Apples, Cranium, and Who?What?Where?
Who knows what the future may hold for this nascent group? Urban Myth? Trivial Pursuit? [...]

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

It’s Monday morning. I’m tired. How about just a couple short, independent thoughts?
1) Sure, you can name your child anything you want. Just don’t be rude enough to be upset when you’re asked to spell it every single time you have to give it to someone.
2) I think hearses miss out [...]

And now, a Valentine’s Day message from Gambit:

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Girl, you light up mah life! You stole this master t’ief’s heart, cheri. You make mah mutant heart glow!
You be Gambit’s Rogue, ami! Your tender touch saps mah powers! Gambit wants you! He don’t want any that cradle-robbing action like Logan with Jubilee. [...]

Highlights from the Men’s Outing:
The new guy fit in almost immediately. Brotherly insults are a universal language.
No stops on the way up. How was I supposed to get everyone tanked on caffeine?
Seven people, five beds. Who booked the lodge, anyway, someone who likes to cuddle? They must have chickened out, because I [...]

Tag, I’m it, thanks to Chris Hubbs. I’m going to pull a Kari and skip the last two steps. I don’t always play by the rules. Not when you can’t make me.
The Rules:
(1) Link to the person that tagged you.
(2) Post the rules on your blog.
(3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks [...]

(TME) — Sen. John McChimp cemented his Republican front-runner status Tuesday, piling up big wins coast to coast, according to TME projections.
Democratic voters remain evenly split on Sen. Hillary Capuchin and Sen. Barack Orangutan for their party’s nomination.
Both the Orangutan and Capuchin campaigns acknowledge an edge to Orangutan in races. Capuchin will focus on [...]

Tomorrow I shall yet again proudly head to the rugged north* for a night of testing my constitution against the elements! The trip is long and fraught with peril, but nigh 14:00, 6-8 brave souls will strap themselves into the one vehicle that can survive the arduous journey. Yes, the church van will [...]

I just have to take a step outside of the website for a moment and point out that I don’t get to choose what ads are placed by Google AdSense. My brilliant idea would be that once I typed a post and hit [Save], AdSense would connect to its home site, pull a bunch [...]

I don’t understand people’s propensity for congregating in doorways.
I first noticed this bizarre behavior at church. When church lets out, there seem to be two black holes in the building. The first black hole is in the doorway leading from the sanctuary to the vestibule. People of all ages are drawn to [...]

Are you still trying to keep up with your resolutions for the new year? Even after an entire month? Do you still want to exercise your way to a new, happy life? Good for you! However, you might want to skip this place. Somebody just doesn’t get it.

Please bathe before coming to the doctor’s office.