The Monkey Exhibit

Representative
1: one that represents another or others: as a: one that represents a constituency as a member of a legislative body,… b: one that represents another as agent, deputy, substitute, or delegate usually being invested with the authority of the principal
When it comes to government these days, it seems we research candidates trying to find [...]

Why would someone who just joined a message board with thousands of members PM me with a “Hi I’m new. How’s it going?” message, followed by a quote about Buddhism, when I’m one of the least contributing members of the forum? I mean, this guy hasn’t even posted yet; he only seems to have [...]

Is anyone else sick of foot-long receipts when buying one item?
We should start a grass-roots movement…or something.

What human being was twisted enough to merge figs and whole grain into one fruit newton?

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Seriously, with enough fiber to effectively scrub your colon clean, these things should come with a warning label. They are like a non-toxic version of Liquid Plumr. It’s as cleansing as a lactose intolerant fool eating a large [...]

It’s a dreary day, if you let it be. Why allow the weather to control your mood?
When it’s hot out, you can use the air conditioner. When it’s cold out, you can turn up the heat. When it’s too bright out, you can pull down the shades. When it’s [...]

I guess ARGS just isn’t exciting enough for you. Hows this for news:
In case you missed it, gas prices went up as much as 20 cents today. When I drove to work, the stations nearby had it at $3.09 for regular. During my lunchtime walk it was $3.19. When I left [...]

It’s Monday morning. I’m tired. How about just a couple short, independent thoughts?
1) Sure, you can name your child anything you want. Just don’t be rude enough to be upset when you’re asked to spell it every single time you have to give it to someone.
2) I think hearses miss out [...]

I don’t understand people’s propensity for congregating in doorways.
I first noticed this bizarre behavior at church. When church lets out, there seem to be two black holes in the building. The first black hole is in the doorway leading from the sanctuary to the vestibule. People of all ages are drawn to [...]

Are you still trying to keep up with your resolutions for the new year? Even after an entire month? Do you still want to exercise your way to a new, happy life? Good for you! However, you might want to skip this place. Somebody just doesn’t get it.

Please bathe before coming to the doctor’s office.

On the way to work yesterday morning there was a presidential campaign sign on the side of the interstate. Just one. On the side of the interstate. In January.
My first thought was to be mad. Can they do that? Can people start stabbing presidential signs into the ground already? [...]

When you have the right of way, use it. It’s very nice of you to stop and let someone else go first. It’s very gentlemanly and all that. However, there is a reason right-of-way rules are in place. This is to keep traffic flowing as smoothly as possible. These rules, [...]

Here are two terms that speakers should refrain from using:
Obviously
You know
I mean
Uh
Um
Feel free to add some more.

Can we stop pretending there are no rules? Can we stop mistaking freedom for anarchy and everyone doing whatever is right in their own eyes?
Thank you.

Why do mature adults, who have lived in a location for longer than a week, put their trash bags outside on the night before trash pickup? Invariably there is trash strewn about their property the next morning from some birds or nocturnal mammal(s).
Still waiting for some people to get a clue…
-Later

What’s up with the people on the interstate who pass you and then pull in right in front of you to slow down so that you have to put your brakes on or whip around and quickly pass them? Those people deserve a good beating.

Hey, what’s up with these roadside shrine/memorial things that families put up on the spot where people have died from an accident? They have flowers, garlands, even some crosses. Isn’t that what a grave is for?

The kids, the young adults, these days make me feel old:
I don’t text message and I don’t approve of the lack of proper grammar used whilst text messaging.
I still haven’t really set up my cell phone that I’ve had since May. I haven’t recorded a greeting. I haven’t taken a single picture. [...]

How does the “Help” Center* get so helpful? I called because my keyboard stopped working in Epoch* (for the second time this week) and I’d like to see the problem resolved instead of it just randomly occurring for the rest of my life. The keyboard still works for Excel and Outlook, but not [...]

When did fauxhawks on babies become the prevalent style? I’ve seen them in the last two church services.
Baby Fauxhawk