Sleep Wars

A wee fairy (or some small, inconspicuous folk) has been stealing my sleep from me for a couple of weeks now. This disturbs me greatly, for I count on my sleep to get me through each successive day. Without my sleep I am like Samson without his hair; I grow weak and don’t have the energy naturally abundant in me to get me through. Needless to say, I am very close to complaining about these fairies to their superiors.

Tuesday, instead of defending myself with words, I decided to take action. Apparently the fairies had been taking my sleep and storing it in little containers in our medicine sample room in the office here where I work (a very queer place, indeed, to keep my sleep, but fairies are strange folk, always flitting about here and there and never really making any sense). With this knowledge, I enlisted the help of two warriors, experienced in battling thieving fairies (by day they are a Certified Medical Assistant and a Licensed Practical Nurse, respectively). With their astute battle tactics, we gained possession of the magical “key” that opened the room where mortal’s dreams are held.

Our strategy was direct, and were about to reunite me with my long, lost dreams, when a guardian appeared to halt our progress. It seems the fairies had enlisted the aid of an ogre to guard their treasure (I say “their treasure” albeit stolen from its rightful owners). As the ogre came rushing at us out of his cave, one of my companions cast a Charm spell in his direction. Within seconds she had the ogre initialing the paperwork necessary to return my sleep to me. We were able to exeunt in complete safety.

Today I honor my noble comrades with my sincere appreciation. My sleep and I spent a wonderful night together, just like it used to be.

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10 Responses to Sleep Wars

  1. Eric says:

    Make sure your two companiions read this brave account of battling faeries and ogres.

    It’s a great story. 🙂

  2. Roger says:

    I emailed them the text yesterday 😀

  3. the Sage says:

    Somebody’s been playing too much Dungeons and Dragons….or whatever it is you kids play these days.

  4. Roger says:

    Sage: I used to be quite deep into D&D. I do wish to point out that I only played it as a game, though, not as any kind of cultish activity. I fully realize the difference between fantasy and reality and I like to keep the two separate when it counts.

    That being said, I gave up D&D as it sets a bad example to other youngsters who don’t know better and may not be able to separate reality from fantasy until it is too late.

    My knowledge of all things fantasy will probably always remain with me.

  5. Mark's LSW (Karyn) says:

    This post explains quite a bit to me of why you and Hannah have so much fun bantering back and forth. I just can’t decide if it is a result of living in Maine, or if your preference for Maine life is linked to preferences for fairies and ogres. Myths rule.

    I will have to read more posts…..

  6. andrew says:

    This post wasn’t written with the help of one of those “keys,” was it? 🙂

    (Southern Maine is too built-up…the strip malls have scared all the fairies and such away. Can’t say as I blame ’em.)

  7. the Sage says:

    I agree with you Andrew. Our favorite part of Maine, after the mountains & lake region where Hannah is, is “down east” along the coast of Washington County, from Calais (and yes, we know it’s pronounced “KAL-us,” not “ka-LAY”) to Campobello Island.

  8. Roger says:

    LSW: I have a certain affinity for fantasy. I think Maine does foster that.

    Andrew: No. (That’s all, really 🙂 )

    Sage: You wound us! It is Washington County you speak of. They call themselves “the Other State of Maine” and evil they are with that suceedist attitude. Let us not speak of that county again.

  9. Jerramy says:


    While some say that “Southern Maine” is a metropolitian sprawl of decadance and that it is no longer part of Maine in spirit yet harkens to the dreaded shadow of Massachusetts. For those who don’t know about Maine history, Maine was originaly part of Massachusetts. Anyway, I have found since moving to this area of Maine that lays in the shadow that id does not different than the rest of Maine. I grant that Portland and South Portland are not so much like the rest of the state but the surrounding areas continue to hold the spirit that I have grown up with for the past 28 short years of my life. Though I have grown to be entranced with living nearer to the ocean and the magic that perpetuates from such living. The faeries, ogres and other creatures that have been spoken of still thrive in the outer regions of this area, and their oceanic cousins prosper. The sad truth does appear in the “city” though where the fey weaken and slump along side their human counterparts in filth and despair.
    oh yeah, SLEEP GOOD, FIRE BAD.

  10. Roger says:

    Portland is another part of Maine we don’t speak of…in the dreaded shadow of Boston…

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