Scene 8: Taunting the Tyrant!

(Adapted from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, French Castle Scene. Names and actions courtesy of event that occur at the Rumor Forum’s Random (Message) Board/At Your Own Risk [AYOR] Board.)

[Tyrant Geof music]
[clop clop clop]
GEOF:
Halt!
[horn]
Hallo!
[pause]
Hallo!

AYOR POSTER:
Allo! Who is eet?

GEOF:
It is Tyrant Geof, and these are my Bartenders of the Rumor Forum. Whose board is this?

AYOR POSTER:
This is the board of my master, Kirk Whitworth!

GEOF:
Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he will give us a neutral topic, he can join us in our quest for the Holy Amendment.

AYOR POSTER:
Well, I’ll ask him, but I don’t think he’ll be very keen. Uh, he’s already passed one, you see.

GEOF:
What?

SIR TREY:
He says they’ve already passed one!

GEOF:
Are you sure he’s passed one?

AYOR POSTER:
Oh, yes. It’s very nice-a. (I told him we already passed one.)

AYOR POSTERS:
[chuckling]

GEOF:
Well, u– um, can we come in and have a look?

AYOR POSTER:
Of course not! You are Random types-a!

GEOF:
Well, what are you, then?

AYOR POSTER:
I’m Risque! Why do think I use this outrageous terminology, you silly tyrant-a?!

SIR TREY: What are you doing in the Random Board?

AYOR POSTER:
Mind your own business!

GEOF:
If you will not show us the Amendment, we shall take your board by force!

AYOR POSTER:
You don’t frighten us, Random pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottom, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Geof Tyrant, you and all your silly Random k-nnnnniggets. Thpppppt! Thppt! Thppt!

SIR TREY:
What a strange person.

GEOF:
Now look here, my good man–

AYOR POSTER:
I don’t wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough liberal! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a Democrat and your father smelt of elderberries!

SIR TREY:
Is there someone else in there we could talk to?

AYOR POSTER:
No. Now, go away, or I shall flame you a second time-a!
[sniff]

GEOF:
Now, this is your last chance. I’ve been more than reasonable.

AYOR POSTER:
(Fetchez la Cash vache.) [note: vache = cow]

OTHER AYOR POSTER:
Quoi?

AYOR POSTER:
(Fetchez la Cash vache!)
[mooo]

GEOF:
If you do not agree to my commands, then I shall–
[twong]
A Cash Cow
[mooooooo]
Cripes!

BARTENDERS:
Cripes!
[thud]
Ah! Ohh!

GEOF:
Right! Split the thread!

BARTENDERS:
Split the thread! [mayhem]

AYOR POSTER:
Hey, this one is for your mother! There you go.
[mayhem]

AYOR POSTER:
And this one’s for your dad!

GEOF:
Move the topic!

BARTENDERS:
Move the topic!

AYOR POSTER:
Thppppt!

AYOR POSTERS:
[taunting]

TREY:
Fiends! I’ll tear them apart!

GEOF:
No, no. No, no.

JEFF HOLLAND [works as an engineer]:
Sir! I have a plan, sir.
[later]
[wind]
[saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw]
[clunk]
[bang]
[rewr!]
[squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak]
[rrrr rrrr rrrr]
[drilllll]
[sawwwww]
[clunk]
[crash]
[clang]
[squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak…]
[creak]

AYOR POSTERS: [whispering]
C’est un lapin, lapin de bois. Quoi? Un cadeau. What? A present. Oh, un cadeau. Oui, oui. Hurry. What? Let’s go. Oh. On y va. Bon magne. Over here…
[squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak…]
[clllank]

GEOF:
What happens now?

JEFF HOLLAND:
Well, now, uh, Smiley, Sir Trey, and I, uh, wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the straw man, taking the AYOR POSTER, uh, by surprise. Not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!

GEOF:
Who leaps out?

JEFF HOLLAND:
U– u– uh, Smiley, Sir Trey, and I, uh, leap out of the straw man, uh, and uh…

GEOF:
Ohh.

JEFF HOLLAND:
Oh. Um, l– look, i– i– if we made this large innocuous topic–
[clank]
[twong]

GEOF:
Run away!

BARTENDERS:
Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away!
[CRASH]

AYOR POSTERS:
Oh, haw haw haw haw! Haw! Haw haw heh…

[My other option was to put Reilly in charge of the catapult :shudder:]

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2 Responses to Scene 8: Taunting the Tyrant!

  1. Geof says:

    The only thing that’s bad about this is me questing for the Holy Amendment. Lord knows that I don’t want one! 😉

  2. Roger says:

    Yeah, but it fit the rest of the scenario. Unfortunately, now it has to be that way for all the scenes. Unless I make them independent of each other…:?:

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