Scene 10: Sir Coward and the trinity

(Adapted from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Names and actions courtesy of event that occur at the Rumor Forum.)

[trumpets]

ACOUSTIC JOE:
The Tale of SIR ANONYMOUS COWARD. So, each of the knights went their separate ways. SIR ANONYMOUS COWARD rode north, through the highly allegenic forests of the University, accompanied by his favorite DESHAZO.

DESHAZO: [singing]
Bravely bold SIR ANONYMOUS COWARD rode forth from the Rumor Forum.
He was not afraid to die, O brave SIR ANONYMOUS COWARD.
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,
Brave, brave, brave, brave SIR ANONYMOUS COWARD!
He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp,
Or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken,
To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave SIR ANONYMOUS COWARD!
His head smashed in and his heart cut out
And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged
And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off
And his pen—

SIR ANONYMOUS COWARD:
That’s– that’s, uh– that’s enough music for now, lad. Heh. Looks like there’s dirty work afoot.

JEFF DIAZ:
Anarcho-syndicalism is a way of preserving freedom.

HEATHER:
Oh, JEFF DIAZ, forget about freedom. We haven’t got enough mud.

WHOLLY TRINITY:
Halt! Who art thou?

DESHAZO: [singing]
He is brave SIR ANONYMOUS COWARD, brave SIR ANONYMOUS COWARD, who—

ANONYMOUS:
Shut up! Um, n– n– n– nobody, really. I’m j– j– j– ju– just, um– just passing through.

WHOLLY TRINITY:
What do you want?

DESHAZO: [singing]
To fight and—

ANONYMOUS:
Shut up! Um, oo, a– nothing. Nothing, really. I, uh– j– j– just– just to, um– just to p– pass through, good Sir Knight.

WHOLLY TRINITY:
I’m afraid not!

ANONYMOUS:
Ah. W– well, actually I– I am a member of the Random Board.

WHOLLY TRINITY:
You’re a member of the Random Board?

ANONYMOUS:
I am.

MARK S:
In that case, I shall have to reform you.

MARK T:
Shall I?

MARK D:
Oh, I don’t think so.

MARK T:
Well, what do I think?

MARK S:
I think reform him.

MARK D:
Oh, let’s be nice to him.

MARK S:
Oh, shut up.

ANONYMOUS:
Perhaps I could—

MARK S:
And you. Oh, quick! Get the writ out. I want to proselytize!

MARK D:
Oh, proselytize yourself!

MARK T:
Yes, do us all a favour!

MARK S:
What?

MARK D:
Geeking on all the time.

MARK T:
You’re lucky. You’re not next to him.

MARK S:
What do you mean?

MARK T:
You speak Greek in your sleep!

MARK S:
Oh, I don’t. Anyway, you’re bald.

MARK T:
Well, it’s only because you shaved my head.

MARK D:
Oh, stop complaining and let’s go have tea.

MARK S:
Oh, all right. All right. All right. We’ll reform him first and then have tea and biscuits.

MARK T:
Yes.

MARK D:
Oh, not biscuits.

MARK S:
All right. All right, not biscuits, but let’s reform him anyway.

WHOLLY TRINITY:
Right!

MARK T:
He buggered off.

MARK D:
So he has. He’s scarpered.

DESHAZO: [singing]
Brave SIR ANONYMOUS COWARD ran away,

ANONYMOUS:
No!

DESHAZO: [singing]
Bravely ran away, away.

ANONYMOUS:
I didn’t!

DESHAZO: [singing]
When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled.

ANONYMOUS:
No!

DESHAZO: [singing]
Yes, brave SIR ANONYMOUS COWARD turned about

ANONYMOUS:
I didn’t!

DESHAZO: [singing]
And gallantly, he chickened out. Bravely taking to his feet,

ANONYMOUS:
I never did!

DESHAZO: [singing]
He beat a very brave retreat,

ANONYMOUS:
All lies!

DESHAZO: [singing]
Bravest of the brave, SIR ANONYMOUS COWARD.

ANONYMOUS:
I never!

This entry was posted in General, Parodies. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Scene 10: Sir Coward and the trinity

  1. Geof says:

    Very nice. 😆

  2. Eric says:

    Good use of the Three Marks…

  3. Roger says:

    Yes, Sir Anonymous already has three Marks against him…

  4. Keith says:

    LOL great timing! Believe it or not, I actually woke up this morning with that song stuck in my head (“He bravely ran away…”)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *