Hackeysack

Alienation is in, right? I mean, even Trey is doing it nowadays. That’s a good thing, because this was on my mind today. How I can justify this with my faith, I know not. Probably my only hope is to repent of my thoughts after I finish typing…

I know this is only the second time I’ve written about this, but to me it seems I keep coming back to this. Maybe because I’ve thought about it a lot, but haven’t written anything.

Today I was once again walking by the hackeysackers outside of the Union. Since, as previously mentioned, I had been thinking about them quite a few times over the last few weeks, a new thought came to my mind about the beloved ‘face-timers’.

This new thought was a musing, what-if? If you walk by enought of these gatherings (as I do), you occationally see the sack fly a little out of control and often land outside the little circle-of-friends. What if the sack came flying and landed straight in front of me? What if it actually hit me? That would make my subsequent ponderings a little more likely to become reality, but for the time being I’m just hypothesizing about it coming to land straight in front of me. In slow motion, the sack glides in an arc through the air. I’m walking forward…it is arcing upward…I’m a little closer…it starts to fall…I’m right beside the group and their little beanie baby falls right at my feet…

What if…I look at the group. They are still…silent, spending a couple of seconds wonder what I’ll do. In that time I turn to look at them…and a small smile appears on one side of my mouth. As one guy in the group starts to say “Hey, buddy-,” I bend down to pick it up. The guy, thinking I’m being nice starts to stretch out his hand. I, with the half smile slowly growing on my face, pull back and launch the sack as far as I can into the nearby lawn. Their mouthes drop open.

Now, here’s the part where my imagination gets a little fuzzy. If the group is mostly stoned (as you would assume them to be from their dress and manner of speech…but then again they may be sober, but their brain has already been fried…), then a couple things could happen. 1) they could all start laughing, lightly at first, but slowly building up to hilarity. Slowly one of them stops laughing enough so that he can move to run after the sack. or 2) they could scream “HEY!” and try to rush me. In this stoned scenario, if they rush me I have no worries. I can probably outrun, and definitely outsmart a pack of stoned neo-hippies.

Lets now look at the unlikely scenario where they are sober and still have enough brains cells for rational thought. In this case I see another two things that could happen (of course, there are multiple possibilities of what the outcome could be, but I’m trying to keep it simple for the sake of time). 1) We could all stand around and have a good, rational laugh together. After a hearty chuckle by all one guy says “thanks, man, we really needed that. We’re getting way out of control with this whole hacky-for-attention thing. Why don’t we all go inside and we’ll buy you a drink.” After this we chat amiably as we walk into the food court in the Union. We’d all sit around the table and talk about life and the seriousness of it all…we could hit on politics and eventually religion and, since this is a daydream, I could share some intimate experiences about Christ. The guys would have yearning tears in their eyes ask they hungrily ask questions that no one has cared enough about them to answer before. We could separate hours later as they go off to find a Bible to study and we plan to meet on Mon, Wed and Fri to discuss Christianity.

Try to follow me back…to start over on situation number two, assuming the freaks were sober. In this situation, every one of them starts swearing at me as they gang up, taking turns holding me while also beating the living snot out of me. As my ribs pierce my lungs, my nose breaks in an awkward direction spraying my assailants in type A positive, and my ear is torn off by a fist with excessive rings on it, I can’t help buy laugh a little on the inside because, man, I sure showed them.

This entry was posted in Humor. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Hackeysack

  1. Reilly says:

    Why not drive your car onto the lawn and hit them en masse WHILE they are hacky-sucking? They stop, you don’t have to die.

  2. Roger says:

    HAHA! Reilly, you are a genius! You can tell I’m relatively new at this whole “alienation” thing…:lol:

  3. Hannah says:

    Roger, I’m just waiting for the day when you give in and start playing hacky with them – you know you want to! It’s part of your human desire to belong. that’s why you can’t stand them – cause you’re excluded from their group… yeah, that’s it.. you’re just jealous!!

    (I used to kick the old hackysack around during art class in college – we’re not all stoned, trust me :twisted:)

  4. brian says:

    Do it…even if they beat you mercilessly you were able to express yourself…that THAT’S what college is really all about right? :rmfo:

  5. Roger says:

    Hannah: Never! You cannot say “Ni!” to me enough! It’s not jealousy…it’s something…wierd…some old prejudices returning from my high-school days, really.

    Brian: I thought college was about getting a degree so you didn’t have to work at a crappy, low-paying job your whole life? I’d much rather work at a crappy, high-paying job!

  6. Hannah says:

    “Ni!”

    :mrgreen:

  7. Roger says:

    Is it easy being green? 😉

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *