Zombies: Brains

Halloween is approaching and, while I should be shunning anything to do with the pagan holiday*, my mind instead turns to ruminate upon zombies.

Zombies are dim-witted and sluggish, yet tenacious in their singular endeavor: to devour your brain.


Why the all-encompassing desire to eat? Are these creatures truly hungry? If you throw a steak at them (say it is even cooked ‘rare’), why don’t they stop and eat that? Why brains? Is there some heretofore unknown nutritive value of human gray matter?

They apparently feel hunger, but not pain. They can leave a leprous trail of body parts behind them. They can be shot, stabbed or bludgeoned, yet they keep coming, oblivious to your futile attempts at self defense. How is that?

They always find you no matter where you hide in the house. How do they always know where people are, or if they are even home? Does the brain emit some sort of homing beacon toward this particular type of undead?

These sorts of questions could go on for hours. Sufficed to say, I don’t believe we’ll ever fully understand humanity’s one true predator.

All the better for them, I’m sure.

*I have not recently checked on the veracity of this phrase.

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15 Responses to Zombies: Brains

  1. Eric says:

    Just shoot them with the Holy Water Arrows, and then your safe… 😈

  2. Roger says:

    I’ve never heard of Holy Water Arrows. Did the zombies eat your brain?:???:

  3. Andy says:

    Personally, I prefer the long crowbar as a melee weapon of choice. Recent research backs
    this weapon for its strength, effectiveness, and versatility.

  4. Roger says:

    But not against zomibes, Andy! Didn’t you read? As far as non-undead, flesh and blood
    creatures, I would have to agree.

    (My cousin preferred meat hooks, or ice picks.)

  5. Marty says:

    Personally, I prefer the stumbling block. Simple. Effective. Biblical…

  6. brian says:

    do zombies not have brains? how do their eyes work?

  7. Cousin Dave says:

    Meat Hooks are the way to go! You can really catch an eyesocket with one or manhandle a body with those!

  8. Eric says:

    A screwdriver through the roof of the mouth works too… or it did for that kid in that movie…

  9. Andy says:

    Actually the crowbar IS very useful against the undead. See : The Zombie Survival Guide,
    by Max Brooks.

  10. Anonymous says:

    I think the only way to defeat a zombie would be to lock it in a room with a mummy – it can’t hurt the mummy because the mummy doesn’t have a brain – but the mummy could probably do some serious damage to the zombie

    … lesson of the day… if you’re worried about zombie attacks, keep a supply of mummies handy.

  11. Hannah says:

    oops, I thought I had the name box filled in – that’s my comment up above

  12. Roger says:

    Look at all the comments! You folks rule!
    Marty: 😆
    Brian: What do zombie brains have to do with anything? Are you saying they should be trying to eat each others’?
    Dave: I had your back, man.
    Eric: On a zombie?
    Andy: I might have to do just that…
    Hannah: That was the best! I was disturbed to see it was Anonymous, then VERY surprised when it was you! 😆

  13. Hannah says:

    I have many suprises up my sleeves.

  14. Roger says:

    Very nice :yes:

  15. Eric says:

    Roger doesn’t have sleeves…. in his Gorilla suit (it’s a gorilla vest… Rogers arms are hairy enough to get by).

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