I made it! I conquered the fickle overlord of nature to return victorious and consume mass quantities of seared cow. As I sat laughing at the defeated Appalachian trail, I reflected over my day’s journey…such an uncontested victory had ne’er been seen since Harun-al-Rashid smacked around the Byzantine dogs:
*Unlike my fellow travelers, I snuck up on the Trail entrance unawares by means of a 7′ tall culvert. Also, I’m the only one who ended up starting with wet feet.
*Scanning the forest as I walked, I soon found many areas acceptable for fortification, should the need arise, say, during a military attack on the greater Bangor area. I also found which leaves and berries are edible so I could outlast the imperialistic curs while using guerrilla tactics.
*I alone crossed the fallen log at the old dam Caer Banorg (name changed to protect the stash of beef jerkey I left in case of emergency retreat).
*I, with only one other person, braved the ravages of Big Niagra to explore the wonder of Rock Island. The other person I shoved over the sheer drop into the fall’s pounding waves so I could boldly declare my self King of the Mountain.
*My personal trail mix alone contained gummy bears, necessary for outdoor survival for any appreciable length of time. If I had run out, my itinerary did include plans for eating the weaker members of my hiking party, though I suspect their meat was too marbled to make a decent steak.
*I finished with a forced march at military cadence during pounding thunderstorms that left me soaked straight through, but my impressive foresight saved the day as I accessed my…dry socks.
Yes, I left the Appalachian Trail weeping a bitter Trail of Tears that fateful day. My blisters will heal, but the Trails pride is broken for good.
Hey, next time you hike any part of that you let me know! I want in I can show you some amazing trails on and off that area!
Will do!
Our fearless leader (not Roger) showed us a good off trail…
*sigh* actually, he got lost and we had to backtrack. Roger saved the day with the gummi bears.
And Eric posts as Miranda. How confusing.
Yeah… very confusing… must be cause I used her laptop, not my machine.