I Will Survive!

I made it! I conquered the fickle overlord of nature to return victorious and consume mass quantities of seared cow. As I sat laughing at the defeated Appalachian trail, I reflected over my day’s journey…such an uncontested victory had ne’er been seen since Harun-al-Rashid smacked around the Byzantine dogs:

*Unlike my fellow travelers, I snuck up on the Trail entrance unawares by means of a 7′ tall culvert. Also, I’m the only one who ended up starting with wet feet.

*Scanning the forest as I walked, I soon found many areas acceptable for fortification, should the need arise, say, during a military attack on the greater Bangor area. I also found which leaves and berries are edible so I could outlast the imperialistic curs while using guerrilla tactics.

*I alone crossed the fallen log at the old dam Caer Banorg (name changed to protect the stash of beef jerkey I left in case of emergency retreat).

*I, with only one other person, braved the ravages of Big Niagra to explore the wonder of Rock Island. The other person I shoved over the sheer drop into the fall’s pounding waves so I could boldly declare my self King of the Mountain.

*My personal trail mix alone contained gummy bears, necessary for outdoor survival for any appreciable length of time. If I had run out, my itinerary did include plans for eating the weaker members of my hiking party, though I suspect their meat was too marbled to make a decent steak.

*I finished with a forced march at military cadence during pounding thunderstorms that left me soaked straight through, but my impressive foresight saved the day as I accessed my…dry socks.

Yes, I left the Appalachian Trail weeping a bitter Trail of Tears that fateful day. My blisters will heal, but the Trails pride is broken for good.

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5 Responses to I Will Survive!

  1. Cousin dave says:

    Hey, next time you hike any part of that you let me know! I want in I can show you some amazing trails on and off that area!

  2. Miranda says:

    Our fearless leader (not Roger) showed us a good off trail…

    *sigh* actually, he got lost and we had to backtrack. Roger saved the day with the gummi bears.

  3. Roger says:

    And Eric posts as Miranda. How confusing.

  4. Eric says:

    Yeah… very confusing… must be cause I used her laptop, not my machine.

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