Dearly beloved, we gather here today to mourn the passing of our beloved brother, Tinker. Tinker was a husband, father, son, brother, friend, and all around nutty guy.
They say that some die never knowing what hit them. That is certainly true for Tinker. His favorite pastime was sitting by the side of the road until cars came and then darting out elusively to the gleeful sound of screeching tires. Tinker was an expert dodger/weaver and is rumored to have caused the accident that sent a truck into a tree, dislodging many acorns for his friends. He was just that kind of guy.
Tinker liked to eat, but, hey, thatâ€™s no surprise. We all like to eat. Plus, winterâ€™s coming up and we all need to build a few more layers of warmth to survive the harsh climate. It is thought that Tinker may have been gorged and sluggish on the day he met his demise.
Tinker had the heart of a childâ€¦always prancing around the yard or taunting the locals by walking on their grass. Naturally, he liked to climb trees and build secret hideouts in the branches. We miss that heart todayâ€¦and we curse the cruel crow that pecked it free and swallowed it upon the busy highway where Tinker took his last breath.
We see Tinker here today as we recognized him in life, clothed in gray with a big, bushy tail. No finer squirrel ever lived and no other squirrel will be more sorely missed.