Hey, pal, cough on me. No, seriously. Come right over here and hack in my face. That’s it. Let it all out. Everyone needs a good cough once in a while; you need to clear your lungs. Good job.
Now…wipe your nose on the side of your hand. Good. Now shake hands with me. No, don’t bother wiping your hand first, just bring it on. Don’t be all wimpy; you just coughed on me. See. How hard was that? Wasn’t a problem for you, was it? Wasn’t a problem for me, either.
C’mere and give me a big, wet, sloppy kiss. No, no. Don’t back away. Come over here. That’s right. We’re living in the new millennium. This kind of thing is no longer frowned upon. Moisten those lips and come at me. Don’t be shy. Make it a long, hard, deep kiss. Like all the kids are doing nowadays. Perfect.
I got my flu shot. What about you?