Grocery Anxiety

If I’ve learned anything from Peter’s blog, it’s that this forum is a place where I can safely expel the thoughts that build up inside me. When I think of things I would have like to have done or would have like to have said but would have led to a public shunning, I can instead come here and release. With that in mind, here’s what was going through my head last night when you rang up my purchases, “Jamie E” of Hannaford in Brewer, ME:

How am I tonight? Well…actually I’m a little disappointed in my food selection. I’m actually not sure that I opted for healthy choices or that paying hard earned money for this junk is the correct decision for me to make. Hey – since you asked an all – you don’t happen to have someone in-store that I can talk to about this, do you? A psychiatrist on duty…a social worker…anything? No? How about the pharmacist? He has an advanced degree, right? He might be able to help me feel a little better, or, I guess, at least recommend a supplement that would. Still no? How about someone off-campus then, say a shrink preferred by the company? Who do they send you to when you get all stressed out? Handling insane customers all day can’t be healthy, I know. Nothing? OK, fine. I’ll just swipe my card, pay for my groceries, and go. No, that’s fine. Don’t worry about feeling guilty if the cart guy finds me in the car with the windows up and the tailpipe plugged; you really had nothing to do with it.

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4 Responses to Grocery Anxiety

  1. Scoob says:

    You could always start your own garden and eat nice garden fresh veggies, you do have a big yard. Maybe you could also buy a goat and milk it giving you fresh milk. You could make your own root beer in your gargantuan garage, obviously this would be better than the corn syrup laced soda of the grocery store.

    Side note, plugging the tail pipe will only make the car stall-out.

    Good luck on your future grocery shopping.

  2. Roger says:

    “Side note, plugging the tail pipe will only make the car stall-out.”

    Curses! Foiled again!

    So you’re suggesting a kind of introverted farming plan instead of just walking up to the checkout and telling the cashier what’s on my mind? Interesting.

  3. Scoob says:

    Oh no, you still should tell the cashier what is on your mind. Telling people what you are thinking and feeling can be very liberating, plus seeing their faces turn a bright shade of red (either in anger or embarrassment) is very amusing.

  4. Roger says:

    So is watching them hit the panic button that calls security. 🙂

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