Smurfy Beary Soup

Intro: “La, la, la-la, la, la, bouncing here and there and…I can’t remember where, la, la-la, la…la.”

“You’ve waited a long time, but it’s finally here! Qwert Yuppy Industries has managed to combine the bouncy goodness of Gummy Bears with the joy of chomping down Smurfs! We call it Smurfy Beary Soup! Captured in the wild and beaten into a paste, the Smurf/Gummy Bear mixture is diluted with distilled water from the river Styx*!

“The fantastical ingredients in Smurfy Beary Soup are good for what ails ya, and good for what doesn’t! Smurfy Beary Soup is great for cleaning grease off the floor, and for those unsightly wrinkles**! But you already knew that, didn’t you? Don’t remember tasting it before? Head down to your local grocer and buy it again for the first time!

Serving Size: 8 fluid oz
Servings Per Container: 6***
Calories Per Serving: A Smurfload
Saturated Fat: It’s all in water, of course it’s saturated!
Sodium: I forget
Carbohydrates: What does that word even mean? Have you really looked at it before? I mean really looked at it?

*Includes neither Smurfs nor Gummy Bears nor water from the Styx. If you believe any of these things truly exists, please contact your doctor.
**These claims have not been proven in clinical trials.
*** Contents packed by weight. Contents may settle during beating, squishing, diluting or out of shear boredom.

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3 Responses to Smurfy Beary Soup

  1. Scoob says:

    I believe that this posting proves that Roger while not a crack addict has partaken of too many nightly binges of child’s playtime candy mix. By binges I refer to eating a whole bag, for those of you that are not “in” on this “phenom” it can be purchased at Sam’s Club.

  2. Hey… no credit for me? Wait… I may not want to claim any of that…

  3. cousin dave says:

    I would hate to see his feelings on those peach candies he so loves…

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