I don’t understand people’s propensity for congregating in doorways.

I first noticed this bizarre behavior at church. When church lets out, there seem to be two black holes in the building. The first black hole is in the doorway leading from the sanctuary to the vestibule. People of all ages are drawn to that spot…and just stop. This backs up traffic as people have to wait, unmoving, for others to clear out of the doorway, or, since this clearing is not likely to take place anytime soon (you can tell as Sunday’s best shoes start actually decomposing into the carpet), people have to try to discreetly slip in between the mass of congregants. Maybe this is the fabled Maze of Grace. Whatever it is, it’s very annoying.

The second black hole is located at the actual door leaving the building. People are constantly standing in front of the exit, just outside the exit, or inside the actual doorway it self. These people get their feet planted and never look to want to move. I have noticed that this doorway is a favorite of younger adults and children. Perhaps it is some sort of pacifistic rite of passage. When young Bobby can block the door against the oncoming wave for 30 full seconds, then he’s allowed to hang with the cool kids. Everyone starts calling him Bob. He wears his necktie a little looser for more passive-aggressivism. He sometimes smokes in the bathroom. No, wait. Skip that last one.

Anyway, it would seem that it would be an usher’s place to try to keep the doorways clear, but what I do know? I’ve never been able to smoke in the bathroom.

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