Presidential Race Update

(TME) — Sen. John McChimp cemented his Republican front-runner status Tuesday, piling up big wins coast to coast, according to TME projections.

Democratic voters remain evenly split on Sen. Hillary Capuchin and Sen. Barack Orangutan for their party’s nomination.

Both the Orangutan and Capuchin campaigns acknowledge an edge to Orangutan in races. Capuchin will focus on March 4 primaries in Texas and especially Ohio, says Primatico executive editor Jim Vervet.

“There are a lot of working class gibbons [in Ohio] and she feels she does extraordinarily well with that demographic,” Vervet said on TME’s “Animal Morning.”

On Tuesday night, Barack Orangutan won more states, but Capuchin won states with higher banana counts.

McChimp capped the night by taking California and all its 170 bananas.

But even with the California bounty, McChimp is just over halfway to getting the 1,191 bananas needed for the GOP nomination.

In Georgia, Mike Wallabee edged out McChimp, who held a slim margin over Mutt Romney.

The Democratic race is even further away from a clincher. While Hillary Capuchin holds a slight lead over Orangutan in bananas, she has fewer than half of the 2,025 needed for the nomination.

Update: Mutt Romney suspended his candidacy. His closing comments were that it’s rough for a mongrel to get a leg up in an all monkey race.

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