Follow My Banner, Typhoid Marys!

Come, all ye who are feeling unwell, yet not bad off enough to stay home from work! Join me in rampaging over those who are not sick in any way! We’ll infect those closest to us, and, after the dizziness passes, we’ll spread out pre-disease thick through the rest of the building!

Coughers! To my right! Your weapon is cruelest. And to my left, the sneezers. The rest of us will follow with regular paper towels and offer to clean up the droplets of our brothers, all the while breathing noxiously on our enemy.

Soon the entire building will groan with the pain that we feel! They will reel with the dizziness we liberally distribute. Bowels will explode from the bugs we have shared with those who force us to work just because we don’t quite feel bad enough to justify staying home.

I swear to the hight authorities of pestilence and disease that this day will find many of my coworkers on their knees…once my head stops spinning.

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