Out of Control

We’ve let the house go too long. It was innocent, deciding to rest a day here and there instead of cleaning, but it has gotten out of control.

The crumbs on the kitchen floor are painful little caltrops to any not in steel boots. The mold on the floor challenges you before you can pass into the next room. The dishes emit a foul odor that surely breaks some part of the Geneva Convention. The range top is so crusted, you can cook right on it instead of the risers over the burners. Empty recyclables line the walls like a polydipsic’s proud bottle collection. Dirty dishes mound up over the counters, window sills, sink basins, and dishwasher

Good thing I bought that flamethrower.

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7 Responses to Out of Control

  1. Krissy says:

    I think you have allowed your imagination to go a little wild on this topic. The only other thing I can say is – disgusting!

  2. Angi says:

    I happen to remember talking to Krissy the other day and she was CLEANING…HMMMMMMM

  3. ted says:

    I think the only thing that you can reasonably do is blow the house to little tiny pieces and then blame it on the aliens. Then you should move.

  4. Scoob says:

    I would recommend moving before the blowing up of the house. A bonus to this plan is that you could make it look like an accident by using a “gas leak” and then you can rebuild!!!

  5. Roger says:

    If I blame it on aliens, will my insurance cover it? I know they won’t for terrorists.

    If I move first, then the blown up house is someone else’s problem.

    I liked the flamethrower idea.

  6. ted says:

    I think you should tell them that aliens with flame throwers blew up your house. That should be covered.

  7. Roger says:

    I’ll have to tell them they weren’t terrorizing. They were just sewing their alien oats.

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