Who Gives a Fig?

What human being was twisted enough to merge figs and whole grain into one fruit newton?

Whole Grain Fig Newtons
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Seriously, with enough fiber to effectively scrub your colon clean, these things should come with a warning label. They are like a non-toxic version of Liquid Plumr. It’s as cleansing as a lactose intolerant fool eating a large bowl of shredded wheat in whole milk, followed by three large scoops of ice cream.

Who decided to package this bowel-rending experience in innocuous snack bags? Is it the secret colon cleansing society? You take a whole grain, which has a “greater amount of dietary fiber, as much as four times that found in refined grains” and add it to figs, which “are a natural laxative“. How does this not spell a recipe for disaster?

Do yourself a favor. Unless you want to run to the bathroom ten times in one day, lay off the whole grain Fig Newtons.

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2 Responses to Who Gives a Fig?

  1. Angie says:

    Well, I guess Mike will NOT be seeing this blog in the near future, cause then I’ll be FIG NEWTON shopping….

  2. Roger says:

    If you love him, then you love his colon.

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