One day in a bizarre psychiatrist office:
PhD: Mr. Paul, Looks like you are still having troubles sleeping. What was it this time? Aliens? Sheep dressed as clowns? Your mother-in-law?
Patient: I was fighting a police officer. I didn’t want to fight him…it just kinda happened.
PhD: Dreams about fighting the good guys is a bad idea. We’ve talked about this. Remember when you sucker punched the pope?
Patient: These police were not very good. They were shoving me around and not asking me to put my hands up or hold still so they could frisk me or anything. They were accusing me of shoplifting, but weren’t searching me. When I got tackled, I decided to use my wresting training and pin him. I had his neck wrenched up with my left arm under it, forcing his shoulders to the ground, and my right arm under his knee, drawing it up to his forehead. It was a great move, except that it was on a policeman.
PhD: We’ve talked about your violent tendencies, Mr Paul. Tell me more. Were there other people involved, the policeman’s partner, perhaps?
Patient: No, he watched for a while. When he joined in, I asked my friend join to in. My friend stole his walkie talkie and gave it to me so I could call dispatch to report harassment.
PhD: Your friend stood up for you against the police? What’s your friend’s name?
Patient: I can’t tell you. He’s in the witness protection program.
PhD: So… you took the taser, sorry, the walkie-talkie, and dispatched the police officers partner?
Patient: Well, I just told dispatch what was happening. Dispatch asked to talk to the officers, and then they left. I asked if they could at least search me before they left, but they didn’t.
PhD: You requested to be searched??!!
Patient: Hey, I was being accused of something I was innocent of, but they wouldn’t even verify my innocence before leaving. Wait, that didn’t make me seem less strange, did it…?
PhD: Maybe the officer stole it out of your pocket during the ensuing scuffle, and didn’t want to raise a fuss, because he’s hiding it now.
Patient: No, I ditched the product before leaving the building. I had taken some “free” spoons from cereal boxes and hid them in my shirt.
PhD: AHA! The guilt comes forth! Did you eat the cereal before hand?
Patient: No, just dug through the box. An employee saw me and gave me a copy of their legal paperwork, highlighting shoplifting. I assume he called the police and so they were waiting for me…Sometime in between I lost my pants, though…
PhD: Hmmm… no pants. How… interesting. Do you remember why you lost your pants? Maybe while shoplifting some clothing? Or perhaps attempting to impersonate a mannequin?
Patient: I have no idea. One minute I had clothes on, the next I only had underpants on. It’s very embarrassing. I hate those dreams. Is there anything I can do to make sure I’m always clothed in my dreams?
PhD: Well, you could try less pepperoni before sleeping. That seems to work for me. But… back to you. What did you do after being release by the police (and finding out you were wrestling in your underwear)?
Patient: But I don’t eat pepperoni—
PhD: Time’s up!