Royal Red Robin Burger

Other burgers are a mere step in the evolution of delicious. This burger is gustatory nirvana.

Taste with me, as we close our eyes and imagine a bite of the utopian staple, the bacon, egg, and cheeseburger. Feel the congealing cheese slip under your tongue, tickling your salivary glands. Savor the warm grease sloshing through your mouth compliments of the burger and the bacon. Finally, relish the unexpected aftertaste of a fried egg. All in the same bite.

Now stuff. Stuff them into your mouth. Override your gag reflex. Seriously, who dies from eating hamburgers? Surely you can fit another one in. Maybe even two!

Watch that belly grow. Feel the discomfort of it distending beyond normal bounds. What’s that sharp pain? Perhaps did your stomach actually split? Could your deadly acids be eating away at your viscera as we speak? Doubtful, if within the realm of possibility.

Master the pain as your skin rends to contain your ever-growing stomach. Stretch marks are in these days. Join the fad!

Feel the pain of peristalsis as the food plows through your digestive track like a bolus of rampant destruction!

When that stuff starts coming out, you’re on your own. I’m outta here.

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2 Responses to Royal Red Robin Burger

  1. Scoob says:

    You would make the Ogres proud.

  2. Roger says:

    That, of course, would be any sane man’s goal in life.

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