This year I will be a professional information guru at the American Folk Festival! Want to know where the lame all-banjo band is playing today? I call tell you. I have a festival schedule! Yes, they are on hand in about a billion different locations, including that guy who was handing them out when you got off the bus, but don’t worry about that nonsense. Trek halfway across the festival space in 90 degree heat and repulsive bodies to come ask me at the Info Booth! I’ll laugh good-naturedly at your questions, pretending to hear them over the nearby band and the roar of the crowd. Watch in wonder as I quickly access information readily at hand to every festival-goer. I do it just for you! …And the 400 other people standing in line beside the Port-A-Potties to ask me where the bathrooms are!
See you there!