Have you ever been scared to fall asleep? Did you ever think that maybe, for one reason or another, you might not wake up again? Were you OK with the thought, or did it frighten you?
Sometimes when I get sick, I’m kind of…reluctant…to fall asleep. It seems that I’m breathing by effort of sheer will alone. If I fall asleep, what happens to the effort? When I’m not making a conscious exertion to keep air entering, and exiting, my lungs, will it keep happening? Or, will I fall asleep and simply stop breathing.
Really, when people think of how they might want to leave this world, dying in their sleep is one of the top ways I hear. I’m so OK with quitting this mortal body at any time. I’m not afraid of dying when I’m not awake to keep myself breathing.
I’m afraid of leaving behind a wife who, I think, needs me.
My fears, if I am to call them that for the sake of the post, have never been realized any other time I’ve been sick and had breathing difficulties. I’m not really worried too much about it happening now, either. I am a little anxious for the day when I think my wife could easily take care of herself if I was no longer around. When she has graduated and is making enough money to survive on her own, I shall…breathe easier, as the saying goes.