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Category Archives: Monkey News
Sandra Jean Davis Memorial
Nanny (Sandra Jean) was born 12/28/1939 in Bangor, Maine to Florence and Norman. It was Thursday, under the sign of Capricorn. The US president was Franklin D. Roosevelt. Color TVs were not yet invented. Little about her childhood is known, … Continue reading
Posted in Monkey News, Obituaries
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I Knight You, Sir Squirrel!
Of the Acorn Arms! Who rides the vicious battle skunk of Findor! Who razes with little catapults loaded with acorns!
Posted in Squirrel Exhibit
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What the Liberal Media Won’t Tell You in an Election Year
BBC News: Russian squirrel pack ‘kills dog’ Squirrels have bitten to death a stray dog which was barking at them in a Russian park, local media report. Passers-by were too late to stop the attack by the black squirrels in … Continue reading
Posted in Squirrel Exhibit
1 Comment
Impending Squirrel Attack
I write this, my friends, so you will not be ignorant of the impending doom that is about to come upon all 50 states (that have squirrels). I type with my shades down today, as increasing numbers of squirrels canvas … Continue reading
Posted in Squirrel Exhibit
5 Comments
The Squirrels Are Getting Smarter
The bird feeder is squirrel-proof. It’s spring-loaded and drops down to cover the opening when something heavier than a bird is on the perch. I caught a squirrel on it the other day. It was bending the metal that covers … Continue reading
Posted in Squirrel Exhibit
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Man Slips on Pillow
Monkey Press. 06/12/2008 A husband slipped and fell, cracking his head on the wall after stepping on a pillow left on the bedroom floor yesterday. The pillow, being light and fluffy, was not stable enough to support proper footing as … Continue reading
Posted in Monkey News
3 Comments
Manservant Marcus
Do you have a problem making yourself understood to others? Do you sometimes wish for someone who could translate what you imply to say into meaningful speech? Are you one of many groups* who has trouble communicating with the rest … Continue reading
Posted in Advertisements, Monkey News
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Stabbing May Be Harmful to Monkeys
I have never done such a thing before, but I simply must post this YouTube video on this site. Enjoy.
Posted in Monkey News
3 Comments
Cheeraholics Anonymous
Are you always happy in the mornings, even on Mondays? Do you get scowled at by coworkers when you walk in whistling a tune and beaming from ear to ear – without coffee or drugs? Are you shunned by family … Continue reading
Posted in Advertisements
5 Comments
Presidential Race Update
(TME) — Sen. John McChimp cemented his Republican front-runner status Tuesday, piling up big wins coast to coast, according to TME projections. Democratic voters remain evenly split on Sen. Hillary Capuchin and Sen. Barack Orangutan for their party’s nomination. Both … Continue reading
Posted in Monkey News
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Visine Relationship
Remember Visine. They’re like the eye experts. Continue reading
Posted in Advertisements
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Beefing Up Site Security
Tired of spam, comment spam, and trackback spam? Me, too. Tired of constant attempts to hack your site and fighting ghost posts of ferret propaganda? Me, too. Looking for someone who is up to the task of protecting your digital … Continue reading
Posted in Squirrel Exhibit
4 Comments
California Highway Monkey Patrols (C.Hi.M.Ps.)
“Is that a monkey on a motorcycle in the rearview mirror? He’s pulling me over! I’m being pulled over on the highway by a monkey!†“Good morning, sir. Are you carrying any bananas in the vehicle?†“Bananas?†“Yes, that is … Continue reading
Posted in Monkey News
1 Comment
Special Weapon Ape Tactics
The Police Department is looking to add a human to its all-monkey SWAT team. ”Everybody laughs about it until they really start thinking about it,” said Officer Scream Truebellow, who builds and operates tactical robots for the suburban SWAT team. … Continue reading
Posted in Monkey News
5 Comments
Smurfy Beary Soup
Intro: “La, la, la-la, la, la, bouncing here and there and…I can’t remember where, la, la-la, la…la.†“You’ve waited a long time, but it’s finally here! Qwert Yuppy Industries has managed to combine the bouncy goodness of Gummy Bears with … Continue reading
Posted in Advertisements, Monkey News
3 Comments
So Says the CDC
This is probably the last I’ll say on the matter. Again, I don’t necessarily seek to sway anyone one way or another, I just want us all to work with correct information as opposed to all the assumptions that I’ve … Continue reading
Posted in Editorials
1 Comment
Super Squirrel
You know, I was going to change topics. I have some other ideas bouncing around this brain, ideas that I discussed with Scoob today, but you made me do this instead: . . . . . . . . . … Continue reading
Posted in Squirrel Exhibit
2 Comments
Squirrel Behavior
Due to the odd nature of the squirrel in my back yard, I’ve done a little research on the critters. I think I’ve found the explanation of its strange behavior: After about 30 years of maturing, adult female squirrels return … Continue reading
Posted in Squirrel Exhibit
3 Comments
Tinker Gray
Dearly beloved, we gather here today to mourn the passing of our beloved brother, Tinker. Tinker was a husband, father, son, brother, friend, and all around nutty guy. They say that some die never knowing what hit them. That is … Continue reading
Posted in Obituaries, Squirrel Exhibit
2 Comments